INSTINCT, INSIGHT, INTUITION, and INITIATIVE

My friend posted these four "Irish" I's on her Facebook page.  They grabbed me because they really apply to grieving.  My life at this point in time.  

INSTINCT:  My natural instinct is to curl up into a ball and let the world go by.  Maybe with time I can rejoin.  I am making a concerted effort to get out with other humans.  If someone invites me, I go.  I've even arranged a few things.  So far, it's not that much fun but I'm doing it anyway.

INSIGHT:  I honestly had no insight into grief until my husband died seven months ago.  Both of my parents are gone and I was sad and I miss them, but the loss was just not as great.  We were very close, talking several times a week and emailing almost every day.  Being a spouse is apparently closer ... emotionally as well as physically.

INTUITION:  So far, no helpful intuition has kicked in.  I instinctively knew grief would be sad and lonely.  I just had no idea it would be so devastating.  Eternally damaging to my heart.  And I had no clue that anxiety might enter into the mix.  Very weird.

INITIATIVE:  Most importantly, only I can take the initiative to survive this.  So that's exactly what I will do.

It's really a lot like a roller coaster.  I just can't see the end.