Thursday, February 19, 2015
SELFISH, INDULGENT, GENEROUS, ADMIRABLE
For the life of me, I can't come up with the right word. For me. About where I want to live most of the time. A word with an admirable and positive connotation.
Am I being too self-centered when I think I would rather live here on Maui and visit the little family 3-4 times a year? While I have this quality of health. Would it just be too indulgent to put my needs above the grandsons? And the Oregon rain?
Sunny Maui is a wonderful place. The benign weather and constant sunshine keep my spirits soaring. I feel closer to Mr. Ralph. Yet I miss the hands-on connection with Kate and her little family.
Should I simply enjoy my good fortune for as long as I can, just live my life for me? I feel I have never put myself first. My parents were quite poor and it was a thrill to be able to give to them. After all their years of doing without so their six youngsters could go to Catholic school. My husband was the twinkle in my eye and I always thought about him first. We learned the successful skill of compromise which worked well for us. I didn't feel the need to go off with the girls for a week of vacation ... or even a weekend. Because I would rather have been with him. I don't know how to even act when life pleases me!
Then add a gorgeous little tomboy to the mix! Now that she has her own family, and Mr. Ralph is gone, I constantly feel surprised to learn about me and my needs and wants and desires. It just seems sinful to consider myself FIRST. What color would I like to paint the walls? Where would I like to go on vacation? What new dish should I try to replicate? What sort of ethnic food shall I try next?
I think, to make myself feel better about doing something that is better for me, I need to be a little self indulgent. Love myself. I'm trying not to rush into any major decisions ... but