Thursday, February 19, 2015

SELFISH, INDULGENT, GENEROUS, ADMIRABLE


For the life of me, I can't come up with the right word.  For me.  About where I want to live most of the time.  A word with an admirable and positive connotation.

Am I being too self-centered when I think I would rather live here on Maui and visit the little family 3-4 times a year?  While I have this quality of health.  Would it just be too indulgent to put my needs above the grandsons?  And the Oregon rain?

Sunny Maui is a wonderful place.  The benign weather and constant sunshine keep my spirits soaring.  I feel closer to Mr. Ralph.  Yet I miss the hands-on connection with Kate and her little family.

Should I simply enjoy my good fortune for as long as I can, just live my life for me?  I feel I have never put myself first.  My parents were quite poor and it was a thrill to be able to give to them.  After all their years of doing without so their six youngsters could go to Catholic school.  My husband was the twinkle in my eye and I always thought about him first.  We learned the successful skill of compromise which worked well for us.  I didn't feel the need to go off with the girls for a week of vacation ... or even a weekend.  Because I would rather have been with him.  I don't know how to even act when life pleases me!

Then add a gorgeous little tomboy to the mix!  Now that she has her own family, and Mr. Ralph is gone, I constantly feel surprised to learn about me and my needs and wants and desires.  It just seems sinful to consider myself FIRST.  What color would I like to paint the walls?  Where would I like to go on vacation?  What new dish should I try to replicate?   What sort of ethnic food shall I try next?

I think, to make myself feel better about doing something that is better for me, I need to be a little self indulgent.  Love myself.  I'm trying not to rush into any major decisions ... but



6 comments:

  1. I don't know what word you are searching for but 'selfish' is not the one. It's normal for adults who live alone to enjoy the few benefits that comes with it...making all your own decisions being at the top of the list. You are standing on your own two feet when you are able to make your own decisions without leaning on others, no shame in that what so ever.

    That being said, you have a tough choices and it comes down to what kind of life style to do you want, what kind of life style can you afford. And do you really need to make a choice now or can it wait a few years.

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    1. You are SO reasonable. Of course, I'll just procrastinate another year.

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  2. Most adult kids don't ask our permission when they want to move far away from us. As for me, I could not be too far from family even if I never see them, LOL. I think you have the best of both worlds. Summer in beautiful Portland and winter in beautiful Maui. You don't have to give up either one of those homes.

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    1. Totally right on point. I especially want to continue my relationship with the grandsons. Now I'm thinking of six weeks in Maui, then two weeks in Portland. Renting my condo to my family as long as I have a place to sleep while in town. Needless to say, they are worried I will change my mind. Again.

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  3. I think we all feel this way. We aren't used to indulging our wants, but you're definitely not being selfish. My kids lightly dropped the notion that they could move again - further away. My heart dropped. I will not follow them, though. Who knows how long they will stay put? I'm too old to sell houses and pull up roots every couple of years. You never know what your adult children will do. My advice (for what it's worth) is to talk to yourself about what you want and need and how you want to live. It's all temporary anyway. Nothing lasts forever. This is your last chance to do it your way. So do it your way!
    I moved my blog. https://bellarum.wordpress.com/

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    1. Living in Maui is spectacular. Being with family is wonderful. I'm choosing to do both for a while ... with the caveat I can always change my mind. As usual. Again!

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