Friday, December 13, 2013


Most days I feel like I'm managing.  After seven months, I can say his name or talk about him without crying uncontrollably.  I usually tear up but not so embarrassing that I have to leave the room.  

But coping is a lot of work.  I try to make sure I have something to do every day.  Physically and socially.  Educationally and emotionally.  Every thing is a conscious effort.  Every single thing takes effort!  

I no longer stay home most of the time.  Every day I get outside for some reason.  Water aerobics three times a week.  If someone invites me, I go.  I say yes more than no.  I connect with perfect strangers.

All of this is good.  Great, even.  I have to admit I take a nap almost every day.  And I sleep 8 or 9 hours.  That's how I cope.


  1. Your plan for healing is a good one. Staying busy, pushing forward through the tears. Pushing to connect with others. It gets easier and "less forced" in time. I can't say I've found total contentment yet but then I'm not sure I ever had it in the first place.

  2. Who knew it would be "WORK" just to be happy? But I was very content my whole life. Total optimist. I know it will come back ... but I sure miss the real me.

  3. You know, I've been learning that happiness IS work, like every other choice. What I never knew is that happiness is a choice, or that I even had a choice in many things. That is the lesson the last five years has brought me--my obligation to choose.

    1. Yeh, my BAD for forgetting. But really, anything worth having takes a bit of work. Marriage, happiness, friendship, thinness!!!