Level IX Awkward

Just so you know, I am NOT changing most names in this blog.  I don't want anyone to feel AWKWARD!  This blog is real ... this stuff have really happened!

A blog or two ago, I introduced neighbor Tom.  I was so naive.

After visiting Oregon for over a month, it was good to be back in the sunshine as well as my little home.  Ralph wanted to add a front lanai before he departed, so we could enjoy late afternoons in the shade (and save me the embarrassment of sitting in the driveway on a folding chair, waving to neighbors).  It was a huge, long project but I'm happy to say, with a LOT of help from our friends, it was complete before he died.  Not a blade of grass to water, fertilize and mow (we've got this free roaming cat issue here on Maui ... with the Crazy Cat Lady living across the street)(that's another blog entirely).

That leaves me open for Tom to wheel down every time my garage door opens.  I enjoy being outside!!  Hmmm.  He looked different after being away for a month.  Are you serious?  I think he dyed his hair!  He's shaving.  Upgraded his wardrobe.  This is creeping me out sorta.  Then he asked me how I liked his new look?  He turned 90 while I was in Oregon.

Now he's changing our conversation topics.  I am becoming uncomfortable.  He's telling me stories of his youth, about drinking and grabbing women.  Come to find out, this is AFTER he was married and had kids (I think he has five).  Light hearted me I change the subject back to gardening or grandchildren or life in Japan.

Next he brings me a catalog.  The kind I've seen at my parents' house advertising bunion aids, back supports, walker glides and clap on, clap off lights, etc.  Dr. Leonard's, I think.  We chatted a bit and I took in the catalog.  Later that evening I flipped though the pages.  Smack dab in the middle were two pages of adult sex toys!  OMG!  Ew.

The day after, Tom wheels down with a huge smile.  And another catalog.  He asks me if I would buy something for him.  I couldn't quite understand what he was saying about DVD (in my high tech grandmotherliness, I bragged that I no longer rent or buy DVDs ... I "stream" in Netflix or Amazon).  Finally, after several attempts, I asked him to just show me.  (The catalogs are mailed to his home, in his name, so I'm wondering  if his credit card isn't already on file?)  He held up his $20 bill and flipped through the pages.  Landing on the adult sex toy pageS (yes, capitol S as this catalog has several!), he pointed to an erotic DVD.  

Buy for me, make me feel young.

Huh?  Go home, Tom.  This is inappropriate conversation and I do not want to talk with you.  Please leave.

He hasn't been back.  Thank goodness.  I am totally grossed out.