The first three months after losing a spouse are unbelievable. At least they were for me. Even knowing that his disease was terminal didn't brace me for the shock that came over my life. Even wishing that merciful death would come sooner rather than later so he wouldn't have to suffer any longer. I went into shock for 100 days.
Oh sure, I went through the motions of survival. Reassured everyone I was doing okay. Left my Maui to return to Oregon to be with our only child and our only grandson. It was good to have some sort of purpose. Once I returned to an empty home, I got a big slap of reality.
Ralph had just retired on his 76th birthday, three years prior. We sold the house we lived in for 29 years and bought a 982 sq ft home in Maui as well as a small condo in Portland, Oregon so we could be snowbirds! The next twenty years were going to be a blast!
He was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months after retirement. His doctors were all very optimistic about having years to enjoy, if he would just try this treatment plan or that treatment plan. Honestly, I think he would have had the same timeline and outcome had he not done a thing. And after watching the side effects and his disposition, I highly recommend not having treatment. At all. Just my opinion, mind you.
So here I am. All on my own. Part of me is excited to do things my way. Most of me is wanting his big bear hug and booming voice to banter about the decisions and solutions.
Fortunately, I have a nest egg that should support a modest lifestyle despite the fact I don't have an income. At 61, I'm too too young for Medicare or Social Security. Modest doesn't include being a snow bird. Do I sell one place? Do I rent one place? Do I go where I have my little family and big circle of friends? Do I stay where we dreamed of spending our second phase of life?
Normal people advise me to wait a year or so before making any big decisions. Based on the loss of brain cells while in that paralyzed first three months, I am deciding to not decide just yet. I'll keep working on the pros and cons.
CAUTION - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
This will be my last blog. My heart is not in it, I struggle to find topics and readership is half of what it used to be. If I have a negat...
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This will be my last blog. My heart is not in it, I struggle to find topics and readership is half of what it used to be. If I have a negat...
So sorry that you have had to join the widow blogging world. It's so early in your journey. All the good intentioned people say to wait a year before major decisions, but nothing magical happened at the 1 year mark.
ReplyDeleteI'm approaching the 2 year anniversary, and finally able to make some financial decision. Luckily, I'm employed and money isn't a worry - although I must budget for only 1 income.
I was told that I could collect my husband's Social Security at age 60. I was looking forward to either retiring or at least going part time in 4 more years. If it's 62 - then I need to do some more research. And probably work longer.
It's good to be around family and friends. But I like my quiet time also. Just still trying to figure out what will be my new life.
Hugs to you
Hi Grannie Frannie Runs! Nice to cyber meet you! Now I have another blog to enjoy!!
ReplyDeleteI got my information from the SS site. But it was pretty confusing, which is why I'm procrastinating. Just remember you can collect increasingly HIGHER percentage of his Social Security with each YEAR that you wait. I think they are just hoping we will get hit my a truck!!
So far, I am enjoying my alone time as well. Eating what I want, when I want. Cereal can be dinner once in a while!! Adding a few feminine touches in the bathroom and bedroom.
Several widows have told me the second year was their hardest! Lots of people expect us to be "over it" after a year. Moving out. Getting out. I'm thankful I've found great articles by grief "experts" (or those with more experience) so when I don't fit the mold, I can feel okay with that.