There is a big difference between friends and acquaintances. I may have been confusing the two.
I am learning something from that. My goal is to have a circle of support. My mistake is thinking everyone had to be my close friend ... when actually having friendly acquaintances is what I am needing. Someone to go to eat with. Or to a movie. Or sunset. I'm learning that I don't have to like everything about everybody. We each have something in common and I need to overlook the things that aren't my cup of tea.
Up to a point. Hopefully I can learn to extend my "point" or circle to include more people. Maybe we have fewer things in common ... walking or swim aerobics or bridge ... and simple chit chat. That's okay! I'm not going to hit it off with everyone but I can enjoy what seems to work. Not every person will become a friend, in my definition.
My close friendships need care and attention on a regular basis. We share more details of our life, ups and downs. I need to give as much as receive. Yet I think I can be friendly with more people just not as intense.
So I'm trying to look at the people in my life being on the highway in a major city. Some are in the beltway. Some are in the outer belts. In fact, Beijing has SEVEN rings of traffic.
I'm up to this!
I know exactly what you mean. Our circle of friends has shrunk over the years. I guess it happens to a lot of us as we age. We move, they move, our interests change, people die. I have a friend who once told me that it took her a while to realize she didn't have to agree with someone all the time to find things she liked about them. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote, "We share more details of our life, ups and downs" with our close friends. I think it's about finding what works for us. Different people bring different things into our lives. Interesting post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you thoughts! I want to allow more "different" friendships. It doesn't have to be best friend or nothing. My investment of time will change accordingly!!! I think maybe people thought/think I'm stand offish. I'm really not. Despite being fun and funny, I might be shy.
DeleteWhat wonderful points you make. A circle of support is my goal, too. I love reading blogs like yours. They cut to the chase. Not too much chit chat. Since I've never been a 'people' person, just a person with a few dear friends, I actually feel more in touch with a sunset, or the taste of my food when I'm out by myself. I've built friendly acquaintances only to feel lonelier. Having all seven rings of traffic would be way too busy for me!
ReplyDeleteMorning! Yes, having seven rings of friends might be busier (which I need a BIT of), but most of my time will be in the city or in the first ring. Then those I talk to or see once very couple of months. And those I talk to a few times a year. Etc. I was greatly surprised at how many "friends" there are on FB ... some I've never met in person. But I hope to.
DeleteI like your term "a go with the flow people loving introvert". I think you've nailed it on the head.
DeleteI like writing short and sweet ... so people who want to read the blog, don't feel they have to invest an hour. Just five minutes. I can also expand on each topic later! Thank you for reading.
To me, acquaintances are the people we meet at various clubs, meetings, the gym, a restaurant, etc., that you can have a nice conversation with but you never see them away from that place that connects you. Then there are friends and close friends. A friend I can call up and chit-chat with and maybe a couple times a year see socially and I think I have more friends than I give myself credit for. The one really close friend I had who I could talk about anything with was my husband and I'm afraid I'll never get that closest again in my life.
ReplyDeleteMan, I so agree with your last sentence. That kind of friendship is irreplaceable. We don't have enough time to share that much history. I'm not sure I can be a "warrior" in that kind of relationship. I've seen so many scumbags appear in the lives of my single girl friends. Ugh.
Delete