To me, anticipation means looking forward to something with excitement or enthusiasm.
I think this was what was missing from my first 8 months of my widowhood. It seems I was focusing on things that were never going to "be" again. Our little traditions were gone by the wayside of death. And partly knowing I probably won't be making any new traditions with anyone. Except maybe my daughter and her little family ... perhaps. They are busy making their own rituals.
Part of my reason for returning to Portland for at least a few months of the year is so I could plan mini vacations or road trips. I need to have something to plan and look forward to. Looking ahead. This is another goal in my journey.
In Oregon I have a lot more friends and acquaintances at my same economic level. It's embarrassing to try to keep up with people who think nothing about flying over to Oahu to watch the Lion King, spend the night and go shopping the next day. I feel blessed to be able to keep two little households going. A few of my Oregon friends have recently retired and are wanting to have some fun ... but on more of a budget. One couple and I try to find restaurants were we can enjoy a sit down dinner for no more than $10/person. Friends in my condo complex are great about having potluck meals and hopefully now we can include bridge or board games.
My draw to Maui is the sunshine. My draw to Oregon is my family. I think this will all work out great IF I can get my daughter and her brood over every February for a week or two. That way we will only be apart for three months max.