Friday, March 21, 2014


“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”

― Washington Irving

I am happy to be in such a whirlwind of busyness .... my tears are less frequent and of shorter duration.  But almost daily.

Braeden reminds me so much of Mr. Ralph.  He has so many memories of his Poppa that I am thankful we needed to help out with him so much those first two and a half years.  We all reinforce the memories.  It must be working.  When Daddy had to put a broken toy truck in a box to send to "toy heaven" Braeden said "so Poppa can play with it?".  Oh yeh.  Tear time!  He is such a sensitive little man.  If he notices that either Kate or I look sad he says "Are you missing Poppa?  I am too."  So even he condones the signs of grief.

I haven't seen a lot of my Oregon friends since his death, so when they tell me how sorry they are and ask how I'm doing, it's impossible not to tear up.  At least now I can still talk rather than totally choking up.  I brought his ashes with me (some in Maui still) hoping we can have a couple of family gatherings at his favorite places so we can sprinkle him about.   Kate especially needs closure.  

She is urging me to have a celebration-of-life party.  He really did NOT want any of that, or funeral, but maybe if we come up with a different name and theme ... 


  1. I am so touched by your tenderness, and Braeden's, too. One thing I treasure about sharing grief together is the way it reveals the hallowed ground of love.

    In my own case, I held a remembrance, a celebration of life, 6 months or so after his death. I was so moved that so many wanted to honor him and hadn't forgotten him, and since I was no longer quite as dazed and numb, I could take their love in better. My point is, if something feels fitting and right in your heart, go for it. Mr. Ralph impacted so many with his love and you do, too.

    1. Thanks. It's just that so many, many family and friends live out of state and I don't want them to feel bad about not being able to make it. But I could do a Remembering Ralph for those who are here .... Prosecco and chocolate dipped strawberries!!

  2. How about a "Honoring Ralph Gathering"? Many people need a place or occasion to say goodbye and to be with others who remember.

    Your grandson sounds like such a special little boy.

    1. It's mostly me hesitating on a gathering. I wish I could cry demurely and just GLOW like Flo!

      Braeden is such a hoot! Yesterday he got up earlier than usual and said Gramma, you drink coffee and I play really quiet ... does he know me or what! I try to get up an hour before anyone else so I can have my quiet time!!! WITH caffeine!!

  3. Ceremonies after the loss of a loved one are less about the person lost than the ones left behind and what they need. It really does not matter what Ralph wanted but what you and Kate NEED. Love and healing to you . Nancy Meyer