Oh my gosh.
My widow friend (five years since her hubby passed) finally found true love in August 2012. She found him on Match.com. Ralph and I both met him, and I have been to dinner with the two of them since. A financial planner with charm, wit and intelligence.
Until about a month ago when Therese let me know she was concerned. He was spending less time with her and when he did, he was too tired to be much fun. Coincidentally, she confided she had lent him money. RED FLAG.
Rather than pry and ask her a lot of questions, I simply let her unfold the story at her own pace. I'm so sad. She started "lending" him money very early in the relationship. Modest amounts with such logical reasons ... his car needed tires. Dental work. An apartment move so he could be closer to her. Then the back taxes. Which were a way bigger chunk of change. It was simply a matter of cash flow, he said. She never asked to see any receipts. She put the cash in his account instead of paying the vendor directly. OOOPS. In less than a year the total was over $100,000.00. No promissory note(s). No change to his will to cover that amount. A lot of empty promises, though!
The sad part is that she is not employed. He still is! She should have been "borrowing" from him! But she drained her 401(k) ... which I am sure would cause him to lose his financial planning status/license knowing that she did that.
Then she snooped through his text messages and email. Yep. You guessed. He had started seeing another widow. And asking her for a bit of cash flow. He was using Therese's money to set up his next victim.
Yet she is still "in love" with him. Maybe they can work through this.
Yeh. Right.
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I am sorry to say this, again, as all of this blog is ... true. She knew in her heart that lending him money was not a good idea. How could she be so desperate? She is smart. Funny. Shapely. A great catch.
ReplyDeleteThis is yet another reason I don't think I will ever be interested in dating.
It would be such a dishonor to our husbands and how hard they worked for their money to just give it all away to a scam artist like this! I don't get this kind of loneliness that replaces common sense with feathers for brains. Don't they realize that everything these guys do is faked, every word, every gesture, every kiss or hug! It makes me mad that people can't see that buying companionship---and that is what they are doing---is worse than being alone because the bottom always falls when the money gets drained and you get victimizes in ways that range from destroying your future security to outright murder to destroying your mental health.
ReplyDeleteI'm not interested in dating either, and trust me, the opportunities are out there even when you're not looking. I went to a senior hall luncheon with 100 women and 9 guys yesterday. A guy across the table from me seemed a little too interested for my comfort level. My plan is to not allow myself to live an empty life so I'm not so vulnerable to scam artists. One of my relatives has to have paid caregivers in the house and she's given them large sums of money she'll never get back so it's just not guys who are looking at seniors like a cash cow.
I have know several families who have given money to their loved ones' caregivers. It seems the caregivers always have a sad life ... and lots of stories to go with it.
ReplyDeleteI am embracing YOUR philosophy of not living an empty life. I am just heart broken that Therese hasn't learned much from this ....