Today is grandson Braeden's third birthday. Kate and Jesse are having a small family get together at Chuck E. Cheese, with Jesse's Mom, his brother and wife and their three kids. Part of me is glad they chose a noisy happy place. Maybe it will drown out my sadness.
Because today I am remembering the past two birthdays with Poppa's little man. With Poppa. His big booming voice, his big booming presence. His utter infatuation with Braeden. They were two peas in a pod. He would choose a birthday gift that I didn't really think was appropriate for the age. And it was always the thing that Braeden loved best. A DVD movie of Cars when he was one. Yet his Mom would play it every night at bedtime for him to fall asleep to.
Age two was huge, noisy battery powered heavy equipment replicas. Yep. He figured out how to turn them on and get all three of them going up and down our hallway. This year I bought him a big boy bed from Ikea.
I think Poppa would have approved (even if it doesn't make noise!)
Here's the sad part. I am overwhelmed by thoughts of what Mr. Ralph is missing. The holidays will never be the same and I wonder if I should even bother decorating. Maybe I can simply pretend Christmas is merely a Wednesday this year. It will be easier in Maui since the weather will be warm and there doesn't seem to be as much decorating the outside of homes (unlike Halloween ... which is really big on the island).
I just miss him and his presence so much. Not sure what MY traditions will be from now on. Wicked awkward widowhood.
I sat out my first holiday events that first year because I was sure I wouldn't be able to keep from crying among others. Do whatever suits you best, knowing whatever you do or don't do will be better next year. It takes time so don't be hard on yourself when you the mini relapses like this birthday party brought you.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure my tears will be visible too. It is so emotional, which I am not very good at. Just when I thought I was doing a little better. Maybe it's the two steps forward, one step back thing ...
ReplyDeleteYup, it is. People will understand.....and if they don't, it's only because they've never lost anyone really important to them.
ReplyDelete