Monday, March 30, 2015

WILL I EVER STOP CRYING

Just when I get to a day where I don't cry every time I talk about him, something sets me off.  Honestly, I think this will just go on and on.  It doesn't happen as often as it used to, so I guess I'm not totally bonkers.  So I'm not going to even try to stop crying.  It's part of the process ... I will do.




When Mr. Ralph died two years ago, rather than a wake, or funeral, or donations, or flowers ... I asked that our family and friends simply plant a red flower in his memory.  He loved bright flowers of any kind.  I prefer white and greenery.  We had to take turns planning the scheme for putting out annuals every summer since it was hard to compromise!
  
He fell in love with red flowers in particular on a trip to Italy many moons ago. They happened to be geraniums and bougainvillea.  Geraniums in window boxes and the bougainvillea around fences and walls.  Stunning to drive by.

Today I planted a huge black pot with red flowers.  A tall red salvia (hot lips), some geraniums, some petunias and a New Zealand impatiens.  Probably way too much but I just needed some instant gratification.  I’ll take a photo in a week or so to share.











8 comments:

  1. I wish I could tell you the crying stops as such and such month, but I'm not sure a widow ever gets past a time when the memory will trigger a tear or two.. It just gets longer and longer in between the sad days.

    Your red pot of flowers will look great, tucked in a color with the white and greenery in the rest of the yard. I do tiny Snoopy decals in honor of Don...put one on his cemetery stone and I got one to put on my new Trax's window.

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    1. Thankfully, you are right. My daily memories are filled with the good stuff. Our Hospice Nurse suggested I choose something that would remind me of him ... and to whisper that to him before he left. Butterflies and red flowers!

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  2. I think I know--you never, ever had real "closure". "They" tell us, we need the visitation and the funeral with all the friends and family around for us to realize it is true--they are dead and we won't see or hear them again. Are you still waiting for that final realization to set in? Maybe you need to go to a Grief Share meeting or talk to a grief counselor. What do I know--nuttin' Honey, just words from the experts that know, that have counseled me. The red flowers are gorgeous. Two years isn't all that long--the second year was the hardest for me. Now, it kind of scares me that sometimes I go for days and days and don't even think about Fred. AND when I do, it's usually with a smile. Hey--I'm probably the one who isn't dealing with it correctly!

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    1. Judy, my thoughts about Don are mostly ones that bring a smile to my face as well. Since Don and Fred died in the same month, we're tracking pretty much that same and I agree, the second year was harder than the first.

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    2. We were lucky enough to have family and friends send him emails or Facebook or phone calls or text messages BEFORE he actually died (we had a false alarm) He was lucky enough to hear what people felt and thought about him ... stuff the widow usually hears AT the funeral. He died a VERY happy man!

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    3. Yes, I did grief group and a few private sessions so I do have closure. Different strokes for different folks!

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  3. I can't imagine a time when I would stop crying. It's hard to imagine a living without my husband. Your flowers are beautiful - a nice tribute to Mr. Ralph.

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    1. It really is impossible to imagine. It's all the little things I seem to miss the most!

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