A young friend of mine has had such a hard life. He's just 24.
His mother is a drug addict who moved back home to live with her parents and brought 4 year old Jeremy with her. After about a year (never finding a job, tired of parents nagging her to get a job) she let them know she was leaving the next day. And not taking her son with her "until I get settled".
Some years on his birthday she sends him a card saying she's got herself together and is going to bring him home soon. Every time he would get his little hopes up. Then he would hear nothing for a year or two.
The grandparents are Bible thumpers who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. They are estranged from all three of their kids which gives you some background about them and child rearing.
Jeremy was in 8th grade when we first moved in here. For some reason, Mr. Ralph took a shining to him. He talked to him like an adult, praised him when he earned it and gave him a loving lecture when he deserved it. He would come screaming over when he got a good report card. We'd have to ask when he didn't volunteer his grades. He dropped out of high school ... but just for a couple of weeks.
We also had a friendship with the grandparents so boy did we get both sides of every story. Mistakes on both sides for sure but honestly, we were usually on Jeremy's side.
He pulled himself around the last year or two of high school, joined the Marines, got a horrible ankle break playing LaCross, and the Marines gave him a year to recuperate. He got a job, bought an old car and healed up nicely (a couple of surgeries in there). He did make it into the Marines and graduated from boot camp.
Recently I heard a rumor that he was back in Oregon and the grandparents are not letting him move back in. I reached out to him via Facebook messenger and gave him my phone number. Today we have been texting back and forth. We can't offer him a place to stay and he says he found a job already and has a place to live although it is not ideal.
Mainly I wanted him to know that we care about him. He can tell me his story when he is up to it. He was angry about grandparents not "being there for him" but I reminded him that they are doing what they think is best for him. The past is the past and it is now up to him to make the future.
What a life for a young man.
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That's a sad story. His grandparents must be getting up there in age if they raised one set of kids, then a grandson. I can't say I blame them for "not being there" for him again as an adult. They are probably worn out. On the other hand, it's a common story these days that adult kids have a harder time getting started financially than our generation did more than one generation under one roof is not usual anymore. Sounds like you gave him great advice.
ReplyDeleteYes, grandparents are 80. They gave him an 8:30 pm bedtime when he was in high school ... couldn't understand why he thought that was unreasonable!
DeleteI had been hoping it was a medical discharge as he had stress fractures from all the running with packs on ... he's tall and lean. But I think they would have let him return to save up some $$$ if had been a good reason.
What a sad story. It's hard to get started with no support. The opportunities are not as plentiful as when we were young. Family is so important, something we sometimes take for granted. It's wonderful to have a foundation from which to launch yourself. I hope he will find his way.
ReplyDeleteJesse saw him in the neighborhood with a friend ... riding skateboards. Life for him is not all bad, methinks.
DeleteI, too, hope he finds his way!
WOW--their actions don't seem very Christian to me. Have they never heard of the Prodigal Son? I don't care how old I am, my grandkids could come live here anytime. I've even had unrelated kids live with me, for a time, until they got a job and a place to stay and got their life on even keel again. I always learned something from them and thought they were great company.
ReplyDeleteFor as "Christian" as the proclaim to be, there quite a few questionable deeds it would be interesting to discuss with them.
DeleteThe Marines would have been so great for him for the future. Even as a career. It had to be pretty bad for them to give him the boot ... if that is what happened.
I'll keep you posted!