WHAT DID YOU SAY?

For the past few years, people have started talking quieter.  The actors on TV began mumbling.  If I can’t see their lips or know the context of the conversations, I don’t always understand.  

When my husband began speaking indistinctly, I set up an appointment for him with an audiologist.  He fought it for a bit but when I said "we" could both be tested so we have a baseline, he agreed.  He reluctantly tried a pair of hearing aids.  And he hated them.  They were returned within the specified trial period.

He tried another set a year or so later and hated them just as much.  But he kept them and on occasion he would start a day (or a date) with them, but they usually ended up in my purse sooner rather than later.

Here’s my dilemma.  Ralph is not here any more.  Yet the TV characters are still very incoherent and my friends continue to whisper.  I sit at the condo Board meetings with my hands cupped around my ears (that really works, by the way ... that early Roman semicircular sound amplification thing ..)

So I’m thinking maybe at this tender young age of 61, perhaps I need to visit an audiologist.

Hearing aids?  Really????

I just don’t want to miss anything!

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

It takes a village to console a new widow.  And I have one!  

Friends from the past whose friendships faded due to different stages of parenthood, corporate ladder climbing, etc. have been rallying around me (long distance of course).  We are picking up right where we left off.  I guess when there are such great common topics like cataracts, hearing loss, crowns, thinning hair and our flesh growing in so many distorted shapes ... how could we not get along?

I also realized that some of my local acquaintances are becoming friends.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my grandson is coming to visit for a month and I wanted to get swim lessons for him.  Found an instructor (I call her My Mermaid).  The waves of the ocean are kinda scary to a two year old.  I needed to find a pool!  On Facebook, I posted my plea.  Three households volunteered!!  Which means we won't wear out our welcome at any one spot.  

Last but not least ... I made a completely NEW friend!

That story will be my next blog.

MY BEST FRIENDS

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, making friends at this stage in my life is a bit more work.  I’m pretty outgoing yet this remains a challenge.  Bob and Paula talk to people at the beach or in the grocery or at an art show ... and then plan something social.  So I’m going to put myself out there in the same way.  Yeh, they admit that sometimes the new acquaintances are a bit “off” but hey, that makes the world go round.

The past four months, I’ve had two really great friends!  We get together every night (sometimes during the day).  They are always willing to get together even with late notice on my part.  Maybe I should have introduced you before.  

HGTV and Food Network.  We rock!

MADE IN CHINA

Four months after Ralph's death and I'm still learning of people who weren't notified of his passing.

This morning I got an email from a business associate in China.  Fortunately (I think), I've met her several times, mostly in China!  Lucky me.  During the last 4-5 years of his employment with Biamp Systems (electronics manufacturing firm where he worked for 26 years), he finally slowed down his pace enough so that I could travel with him.  My criteria?  That we spend at least two nights in each hotel.  Otherwise, all I would see would be airports, taxis and hotels!  He went on ten business trips to a town just 45 minutes from Venice, Italy ... and never visited!  

On each trip where I accompanied him, one of the company Sales Managers was in charge of the business meetings, business dinners, hotels and thinking up how to keep me entertained during the day.  What a spoiled wife I was!  Europe, China (twice!), Hong Kong, Australia and the ABC of South America (Argentina, Brazil and Chile).  These memories will last me a life time.

Anyway, I apologize Lily for not contacting you and your company.  Honestly ... I had hoped that the good people at Biamp would let all his reps and corporate associates know of the sad news.  Maybe even write an article for some of the trade magazines.  My bad.

Thank you for emailing him this morning which was forwarded to my email.  You gave me pause to remember!

SERENDIPITY

Serendipity means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; a fortunate mistake. Specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it.

I believe in this. It happens to me a lot!

My grandson (and my daughter) are arriving on Maui next Wednesday. Braeden gets to stay for a whole month! He loves the water and I thought swimming lessons during his visit might be a great thing. Both fun and educational.  I began asking everyone here. Two names kept popping up so I scrambled off an email to each. Neither has an opening until January. Maui has several community pools but the closest one does not have a learn to swim program (kinda unbelievable).

Last week at the beach, after their morning paddle board session, my friends/neighbors, Bob and Paula, saw a woman who looked like she was teaching someone to swim.  Paula went over to chat and by golly, she DOES give swim lessons.  She had moved to Maui the day before!  She provided her website and her cell number for them to share.  Today I got around to calling her.  Although she hasn't found a pool where she can teach, she is confident that a protected shallow beach area would work just fine.

I'm going to meet her for coffee on Thursday.  During our phone call, me finally finding her website, her new Facebook page and a couple of emails .... it turns she has lived in Oregon and spent a few years on Whidbey Island, Washington and appears to be a true mermaid.  She looks very similar to my sister in law!!  Although a few years younger than me, we might just hit it off.  With both of us starting new lives.

Maybe I will take swim lessons when I return from reluctantly returning Braeden back to his parents.

LABOR DAY

Whoo hoo!  A very successful Labor Day BBQ with my South Maui Merry Widows.  One of us had to leave before dinner but fortunately she left her potluck contribution for us to enjoy.  Four of us enjoyed grilled steak, zucchini, sweet peppers, and potatoes.  Contributions were shrimp ceviche, four bean salad, asparagus, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, crudites, fruit, olives and yogurt dill dip.  Brownies for dessert.

Best of all ... terrific conversation accompanied by red wine and two potential new friends.  One has been widowed almost five years and the other two years.  It was Sept 2 here, marking my four month loss.  We laughed and shared and traded information for future get togethers.  Including birthday, husband death date, anniversary, etc.  

Big shout out to my neighbor (and rent a hubby) Bob.  I power blasted the front rock garden, swabbed the deck, washed the driveway, swept the garage, replaced the cushions on the furniture and baked the brownies.  Bob called to say he was coming over to clean and spruce up the yard before my party.  NO WAY ... I exclaim.  I'm just resting up (cooling off, really) then ready to tackle the back.  But he came over and did WAY more than I would have done!  Including washing the house!  It really gave me time to get the inside stuff done.

I owe him the left over brownies!

SEPTEMBER?

Tomorrow marks four months since my husband died.  Unbelievable.  Part of me feels like it was last week.  The other part of me feels like I have aged ten years.

Tonight I ventured to a dinner party at one of Ralph's favorite places, the home of Carrie and Jim.  Jim is a carpenter extraordinaire.  The first project Ralph wanted at our Maui home was an outdoor shower...and Jim was the man to do it up right.

Which led to a deck.  A sliding glass door from our bedroom to the shower.  And so on.  The guys just seemed to hit it off and somehow Jim invited us over for pupus (appetizers) and wine.  We thought OUR backyard was becoming paradise until we visited his.

Long story short, we've been over many times and finally met his now fiancee, Carrie, and we all became friends.  Carrie retired last year and moved to Maui to enjoy making her dream of running a Bed and Breakfast on Maui come true.  Today, September 1, 2013, is the grand opening.

I was hesitant to go.  It might be awkward.  But then I thought, hey!  I AM The Awkward Widow!  So I went and had such a wonderful time.  Several of the same old crowd.  A new potential friend.  A lead on a part time job.  But best of all, the love of Carrie and Jim prevailed.  Never an awkward moment!  

It looks too good to be true ... that's a saltwater pool in the background. I sat in that rattan chair on the far right.  A wonderful steak dinner followed by coconut cream pie.

Ralph was definitely there.