AWKWARD MOTHERHOOD

The whole little family is here ... Mom is wicked sick with a cold and refuses meds as it might make her milk production stop.  Braeden is happy but thick runny nose and is snuggled under a blankie watching PBS cartoons.  Just asked to take a little rest!

I'm gonna miss these little naps ....

Last night Deacon joined the viral party.  Kate and I spent the whole night holding him upright so he could breathe easier.  So he was pretty happy this morning.  We, on the other hand ... are exhausted

Sixty two is a bit too old to be helping with sick babies ...

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?

Sometimes I feel invisible.

Just another middle aged lady spending her retirement fund trying to keep her hair blond instead of grey.  Not a simple process any more.  Dye all of the hair one color.  Streak in two other colors.  Every 6-8 weeks.  It's crazy really.  I tried letting it grow out all the way grey.  I looked 100 years old and invisible.

I had to wear full on make up to just look 80.  Sample above.  In 2010... at 58.

I know the feminists out there will raise their eyebrows but I want to feel good about how I look.  And take pride in it.  Wearing clean clothes, for instance.  I run into so many older folks who have food stains on their shirts.  Or no longer take things in to be dry cleaned.  The image I receive is OLD and tired of caring.  Maybe it is being frugal.  

The above pic is me, WITHOUT ANY MAKEUP.  Poolside, in fact.  But I still like that look better than grey.  Now I better take a pic of me, blond and WITH makeup!

I'm so vain ....

UNAFFORDABLE POLITICS

Yes.  I just got a notice in the mail that my "affordable" health care, compliments of Mr. Obama, went up 12% in monthly premiums.  $525 per month.  Before I had such affordable care, I was paying $271.  Three years ago.  

Call me crazy, but I have yet to know of an area of my life that is better because of government help.  In fact, if memory serves me ... wasn't my phone service less expensive and bills easier to fathom BEFORE they helpfully broke up the monopoly?  I no longer have a landline so I don't get as bothered by that.

Are there any countries that have wonderful, affordable government health insurance?  Lots do have socialized medicine.  Take England, for an example.  I have a friend who needed knee surgery.  The wait list for his surgery was several YEARS.  Yes!  He came to the good old USA and had it done here.

I'm just getting madder and madder now that government interference is personally getting to me.

NAKED AT OUR AGE

Joan Price is an author and blogger advocate for talking out loud about Senior sex.  I think I read her column on Senior Planet and then subscribed to her monthly email.  Sex at our age is not gross and disgusting!  Although I suppose young people in their 20's might disagree.  They think THEY invented this.

Like everything else in our lives, things change and morph.  Nice when you have a love in your life.  Still nice when you are a widow or widower.  Not that I could speak in public on this topic.  Behind the keyboard, it's a bit easier.

Later life pleasures.  So many things we widows can do to fulfill our need for touch.  Hugs. Massage.  Even a pedicure!  Soaking in a warm tub.  Especially if you are like me and only shower.  Seems hedonistic to focus on myself.  Which is EXACTLY what that word means!

he·don·is·tic

ˌhēdnˈistik,ˌhedəˈnistik/

adjective

1. engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

   "a hedonistic existence of drink, drugs, and parties"

   synonyms:

   self-indulgent, pleasure-seeking, sybaritic, lotus-eating, epicurean, good-time;  unrestrained,intemperate, immoderate, extravagant, decadent

2. 
   

I'm pretty sure that I will not remarry.  At this point, I'm pretty sure I don't even want to date!  Maybe it's just a selfish stage of widowhood.  Probably it's because I'm too lazy to "date".  For now I'm happy with my daughter and her little family.  I get lots of hugs and touching and exercise with the little ones.  That is already changing as Braeden now wants to be at his home on the weekends.  His neighbor buddies are in school and there's not much play time except on weekends.  Somehow, I was expecting this to happen more around age 9-10!  Not at age FOUR!

Dear Widow Friends:  How do you compensate for not having a manly hug at your beck and call?

LANGUISHING LAZY LASS

Saturday at almost 2pm.  There are so many things I could do ... and a lot I should do, but I'm thinking I won't do!

The weather here is gorgeous and sunny and bright.  I'm sitting on my front patio typing.  I enjoyed a turkey sandwich with a thick slice of tomato from a friend's garden.  It just doesn't get any better.

Similar to a fellow blogger I now read, sometimes I feel like Gladys Kravitz from the TV sitcom Bewitched.  I have time to gaze out my windows.  I spend a lot of time on the laptop and I sit by a window.  Not much goes on at my end of the condo complex ... until today.

A teenager whom I did not recognize walked past this morning.  Hunched down, deliberate steps.  A little bit not right.  New folks moved in a unit behind me so I thought she belonged to them.

She rounded my building 10 times in 90 minutes.  As I walked out to visit my friend Daisy (to play with our iPads and share info), there were three police cars out front.  They were gently putting this girl into a car.  Apparently she got more agitated as the morning went on and began knocking on doors saying she she needs help.  Mary Beth (HOA Chair) noticed her and came outside to help.

In her authoritative voice she said "I can help you" and asked if she had a gun or a knife.  She had her sit in the sunshine on the sidewalk so that IF she got belligerent, Mary Beth would have a head start to get behind a locked door.  She went compliantly with them.  They know her by name.  Sad. 

You didn't notice, but I went on a sunny walk, visited a couple of friends, had lunch outside.  My friend Diane brought over dinner.  And I decided to finish this at Starbucks with an iced soy latte.

Yep.  Incredibly lazy today!

WIDOW INVESTMENTS

I have not slowed down the widow spending.  It's just too easy for me to justify buying pajamas for grandsons, spending hours at the Dollar Tree today, searching online for the perfect furniture for my new widow bedroom at the condo.  And getting my hair cut and colored at a chi chi salon.

Because I went from parents to husband to husband, I've always incorporated the man point of view since we were sharing a home.  My touches too, of course, but what man would WANT to sleep under a quilt full of flowers?  Neither of mine.

Now I am building my little nest with just me (and the little family) in mind.

My condo living room BEFORE:

This is after I gave the kids the oversized navy blue sofa recliner.

Furniture arrived on Tuesday:

The smaller scale and lighter color is more suited to the space.  And to my living habits.  Very comfy to sit on and easy to get up from.  And the sofa is just big enough for a nap ... can't wait to try that!

My favorite thing really, is the art shelf.  Although I haven't changed any of the work on the wall since it went up and I just grabbed stuff ... I can't wait to have a theme going.

The teeny dining room had 20 year old recessed lights that didn't provide enough light to the table.  I bought some lights I just loved (on Amazon) after going to every place locally that I could think of (and that I could afford).  Just a hint of oriental.  Thank goodness for Handykid as we had to buy adapter and black tubing to hide the white cord!

For my bedroom (you already know about my dual control flexible bed), I want to do more feminine white shabby chic sort of look.  I have a gorgeous burgundy and gold oriental rug that I'm keeping, but I think the white will look just fine.  The nightstands arrived so Handykid can put them together next week ... but they should look like this:

I kinda feel pretty hip for not being symmetrical!  The condo is small so I'm taking advantage of vertical space.   And I love the little pull out ledge for coffee or wine!  Handykid also put up white art shelf over my bed and over Braeden's bed.  I'm hoping to find a Toy Story poster on our upcoming trip to Disneyland.

Have any of my widow friends been doing this "it's all about me" redecorating or changing rooms around?

WIDOW HAPPINESS

It's been almost a year and a half since I became a widow.  The one thing I've learned, mainly from my widow friends, is to find happiness wherever and whenever I can.  Sometimes it's a huge incident or memory.  More often it's something you could almost miss.

I discovered how to poach an egg in the microwave in 60 seconds.

For me, an egg is the most satisfying meal.  Breakfast of course, with a slice of Dave's Killer Bread.  My sister turned me on to putting one atop a lunch of warmed greens or quinoa or whatever leftovers I have.  Now that our weather has turned cool, an egg is a warm and simple dinner.

Last week, when I was so behind the culinary times of this century, I happened across a recipe for microwave egg.  In Maui, before we had solar panels installed, I tried microwaving eggs so that the white was firm and yellow was runny.  Close, but no cigar.  I usually microwaved them scrambled.

The secret?  One half cup of water, a bowl about five inches across and one little minute in the microwave!  Sometimes I keep the lid on another 30 seconds while the toast is finishing.

Perfect poached egg!