AN AMAZING SENIOR ADULT

Everyone seems to be looking for a different "term" for people over 65.  Apparently Senior Citizen just doesn't cut it any more.  There are SO MANY terms for senior adults ... some with negative connotations.  Elderly.  Geriatric. Old person.  Golden Ager.  Old timer. Retiree. 

Lately sales people are calling me "Miss".  I kinda like that!  Well, whatever you want to call the Over 65 Bunch, my friend Joan is at the top of my list.  Her husband and my husband were next door neighbors  since birth, in a small town in Indiana.  Over the years they lost touch with each other but rekindled their friendship after Mr. Ralph's father died.  They came to Portland (they were living in an over-55 home community in Florida) when Bob was competing in quartet singing. I met Joan then and since women seem to be better at keeping in touch, we began our email and phone call friendship.  We visited them in Sun City.

Her husband died (on New Year's Eve) and a few years later, their two daughters convinced her to move closer to one of them (North Carolina or southern California).  That in itself is a LOT of work for an 80 year old.  She chose NC although that daughter is not the nurturing or compassionate type ... but Joan wanted the least costly cost of living.  She bought a HOUSE in a tiny town (West Jefferson NC, population 1,300) thirty minutes from daughter (population 1,300).  (Who in their right mind would encourage an 80 year old to buy a two level house?)  She had to find new doctors, hair salon, grocery stores and BRIDGE players.  In her old neighborhood, everything was walkable.  West Jefferson NC you have to drive everywhere.  Nothing was very convenient but she adapted just fine.  Except for having to wear a sweater all the time!

Needless to say, she saw Jayme once a month.  The house and yard work was too much and she was snowed in several times for days. The girls next talked her into a "senior living and retirement" center.  Over an hour and a half from NC daughter!  I talked with her a bit and her explanation was that she didn't see Jayme much anyway, she needed to retire from driving, loves the rural setting but needed the convenience.  Winston-Salem is bigger (doctors, hospitals, specialists, you know).  If I ever move from my cozy nest, it needs to be graduated care until the end ... no more moving for me!)

This place was month to month, no buy in.  I just felt a little bad that her girls are so far and now at 84 she has to start over, building friends and bridge partners.

I shouldn't have worried!  This independent community allowed her to spend the day, spend the night, eat at their dining room and leave around noon the next day.  EVERYONE was very welcoming.  Residents invited her into their apartments to see furniture arrangement, etc.  Most everyone there plays bridge.  She LOVED the food.

Practically everything is included for just $2,300 per month!

Her view is of the trees and creek.  And she has a balcony!

Now when I call, I have to leave a message and it takes days for her to call me back.  She is an Amazing Senior Adult.

BROTHERLY LOVE

The best part of intergenerational living for me, is watching and being part of all the different relationships.  After years of being with Mr. Ralph, I have finally learned that mostly I just listen.  Not offer advice.  Not say "oh he is so wrong".  No lecture about how the person SHOULD have done it.  Kindly nod when one boy says everybody loves the other boy more.  Listen in earnest when one spouse has had it with the other spouse.  And never take it personally.

I have been supporting all five of us for almost a year.  Dadda has been stay home parent since Deekie was born and until he starts full day school. Both parents knew they didn't want (and couldn't afford) childcare for two kids.  They were super lucky with Braeden ... a high school chum with a little girl exactly one year older than B) cared for him and made him part of their family.  Poppa and I were in Oregon often and we could keep him.  Once we decided to spend more time in Maui and less in Oregon, we rented this friend and her little family our condo for CHEAP.  Win win win.

Momma got a super great Christmas gift this year of being financially (and emotionally) supported through the holidays.  That gift stretched as we had a two week tropical grand vacation to scatter Mr. Ralph and sell his dream.  By then I thought about extending it until school starts in September.  Everyone has really enjoyed having Momma home! Including me.  It's been a great investment for us all.

She worked retail which included every weekend and holiday.  Now they go hiking or fishing and soon will be going camping.  The boys are at the age to make some great memories.  The parents go out at night to get nightcrawlers for fishing.  They have set up a nature center right outside our living room window for birds and squirrels. Together they are building the most elaborate bird bath with a mister for hummingbirds and others who prefer a shower style, a shallow leaf bowl for other birds and a gurgler to make noise to attract birds that don't eat all the seeds and suet and mealworms and syrup but do love water.  Creating concrete leaves for all the bowls.  Can't wait to take pictures.

Both parents could participate in each of the boys' school events.  They finally have established a great early bedtime routine and the boys are usually asleep by 8:30. Kate always wanted to see them when she got home from work at 8:30 or 9:00 but that would wind them up.  When B started Kindergarten, he wasn't getting enough sleep.  Now both parents are visibly more relaxed.  They each have social anxiety and are introverts.  Extreme.  No friends to go out with or invite over (of course, no money might be part of that!)  So they/we truly enjoy family!

The other day Dadda had a medical appointment and Momma was packing snacks and water and activities for sitting in the car.  I pulled her aside to see if they had plans together after the appointment.  It's on the other side of town with different parks and playground or fishing spots, so I never know.  But no, no plans.  I suggested they can stay with me if you want.  They rarely ask me ... 

We had so much fun in that 90 minutes!  I folded laundry while they had a snack.  They each put away their own clothes!  Even putting their "good t-shirts" on hangers.  One boy did recycling and one put away clean dishes.  Then some screen time.  Fifteen minutes and they play characters in the same video game!  Sitting side by side on the loveseat.  When their time was up (parental block on each device), I asked them to clean the bathroom ... they were SOOOO excited.  Good job, too.  Since they were in the cleaning mode, the kitchen counters got a good scrubbing and they set the table.  When Momma and Dadda came home, they were bubbling over with excitement to show off their work.

Last night was a parent meet and greet at the new school.  They had asked me weeks ago if I could babysit.  Again we had fun AND got some things accomplished.  I asked B to read to D, then I would read to them both.  Braeden was SO proud.  He stood in front of us to read from Shel Silverstein ... with hardly any hesitation to sound out a word.  It was a hoot.  Deacon was mesmerized and Braeden was using inflection.  When I asked them which book they wanted me to read .... B asked if he could just keep reading to his brother.

 

GREEN GREEN GREEN

I love avocado on toast.  So glad I learned about this delightful meal.  Although I keep hearing rumors about sky high prices.  I love being green!

After reading on another blogger's post (Living Richly in Retirement), I've decided to also do more green living to help our planet.  Reusable bags now sit in my passenger seat and I use them at ALL stores, not just for groceries.  I got a few nylon net produce bags and after having my items weighed individually, I ask to have them bundle together and zipped closed.

Air freshening sprays are a thing of the past (due to aerosol propellants).  We keep wooden matches in the bathrooms as well as Poo Pourri and use candles or matches for other rooms.  I have a diffuser in my room and keep a drop or two of doTerra oils to freshen the humid air.  My favorite quick refresh is rose water ... sometimes I just spritz it and walk right through.

Living Richly had a great idea to buy inexpensive serving dishes and platters at Goodwill places to use for potlucks rather than tin foil casserole dishes.  I will then not have to worry about taking them home if I leave before the food is gone.  I almost always bring my own wine glass in case only plastic ones are available ... I just go out to my car and bring in my own.  Mainly because wine just tastes better out of glass!

Her blog also brought up junk mail!  My Medicare mail usually contains 5 or more pieces of paper (things printed in many languages).  For a bill I pay electronically!  Monthly.  I promptly went online to "go paperless" but there was not that option.  I sent in a form comment email and a cheerful young lady returned my call.  Turns out I can ONLY go paperless if I let them access my checking account.  I'm just not there yet.  I either set up auto pay for my checking account or have bills charged to my VISA (for points).

I then went online to OPT OUT of junk snail mail.  That site (www.optoutprescreen.com) also recommends putting a note on your mailbox that says NO JUNK MAIL.  Hopefully this will get rid of most of the junk mail (I don't really get very much).

We recycle a lot in this household.  Apparently most of America does not do this properly so many countries will no longer accept our trash ... people put in dirty diapers, styrofoam, thin plastic bags, etc.  Even our 8 year old returns from our condo recycle area just shaking his head.

I just re-watched No Impact Man to help remind me of how much more I could be doing ...

TESTING, TESTING, TESTING, TESTING

May is also check up time ... annual exam, ladies exam, eye exam, dermatologist, dental cleaning, etc.  Once you hit 65 WOW is there a lot for my Doc to assess.

He has me fill out a four page form ... am I sad, or lonely, or hurting, worried about forgetfulness.  Then he spent 45 minutes asking the same things 29 different ways!  Do I fall?  Has anyone assessed my home for tripping hazards or other safety hazards (well, yes, except for Legos).  Do I pay my own bills? Can I dress myself.  Do I fall asleep in the middle of the day? (yes, some days, but I do it on purpose!!!)

For the first time ever he listened to my carotid artery.  Checked my feet (yes, I just crossed that damn little line to Type II diabetes).  Checked the whites of my eyes, looked up my nose and retook my BP as it is often high when I arrive and lowers once I'm there (and it was still a little high, 130/80).

Then he thought it was time for an EKG.  Next a bone density test.  Followed by giving three vials of blood and peeing in a cup. 

BIRTH DAY 2019

May 1 is my birthday.  May Day!  Parades and spring flowers, maypole ... mostly for me!  Or at least that's what I pretend.

I got a birthday card from my dentist, my realtor, my insurance agent and a few friends sent actual tangible cards (thanks guys!)  100 posts on Facebook (they make it so easy to send a greeting).  My gorgeous sister always texts and calls to sing Happy Birthday.  And still sends a gift!  She is the world's best birthday rememberer!!!  I don't know how she does it.  Friends, siblings, family, great nieces and nephews.  Dogs.  She is amazing.

Sixty Seven years!  Who would have thunk it?  I feel 49.

My one year old self, with Mom and Dad.

My little family took me on a nature walk right in our neighborhood.  The boys loved showing me their "secret spot", the snag that is still very useful in nature.  The river, the azaleas, the rhododendrons.  I only did 2,000 steps and then they all walked more quickly, went further and still beat me home!

Best of all, my card.  Thought up by Momma and created by Braeden.  With Deacon signing his name AND adding an emoji.

Followed by a great dinner at our favorite local Italian spot.  Accompanied by a glass of Prosecco.

Happiest day so far this year!

PAYING IT FORWARD

A new Village is opening in my area in June.  This Village is not a place, but a nonprofit system of members, volunteers, and vetted vendors who can help a person live in their own home for as long as they wish.

This is a rather new trend in helping Senior Adults age happily in place.  The first village opened in the Boston area in 2002 called Beacon Hill Village and now there are many many more opened around the world.

One of the first privileges to give up during aging is driving!  Bigger cities have better bus and mass transit systems but suburbia is a bit tougher.  Now we have Uber and Lyft but those trips certainly add up.

Portland has nine Villages open or almost open.  Our Village includes West Linn and Lake Oswego, two suburbs just south of Portland.  Some of the services we will offer:

• Transportation (Up to THREE trips per week
• Help at home 
• Occasional housekeeping
• Occasional pet care
• Paperwork management (calendar, filing, phone calls)
• Help with technology (computers, phones, iPads)
• Light home maintenance (changing light bulbs, etc)
• Light yard/garden help
• Personal support (run errands, get groceries, accompany to appointments, go for walks)
• Companionship visits (chat, read, play games)
• Check in phone calls
• Access to fully vetted professionals .. plumber, electrical, painting, etc.

Anything else is worth a call to find out.  

I'm proud to say I am (finally) the FIRST VETTED volunteer driver for WLLO Village, in addition to the Board Transportation Coordinator.

DEATH DAY

Six years ago today.

It was sad for me but good for him.  No more pain.  No more loss of dignity.  No more radiation.  No more drugs to counteract side effects of other drugs.  No more Hospice (but he actually LOVED Hospice!)

I have a little Mr. Ralph memory corner on the top of the hutch to my desk.  We will go out for dinner to celebrate the best of him.

And I will get to have a little cry for loss of time with him.

When we first started dating ... Wow!  We had hair!!! 

 At one of our favorite Oregon vacation spots ... 
Sunriver Resort.

My first out of the USA trip with him!  A wedding in England ... and it was 104 degrees.

Relaxing in Lahaina, Maui

My first trip to China.  Shenzen.  Always had great fun on these adventures

 

At his 50th College Reunion!

ON the Great Wall of China.  It was so cold and wet and foggy and we couldn't see a thing.  But we did make it.  

Lunch afterward was a tiny hole-in-the wall place with their own fish pond.  Our guide (wife of his sales rep) took us and ordered three of the same kind of fish, prepared three different ways.  AMAZING.  

Our last trip to the beach together, in Maui.