THANK YOU

Dear Mr. Ralph ~ 

Thank you for teaching me about death and dying.  You accepted your fate way better than I would have expected, and way better than I could have.  I think we were better off not knowing your expiration date so that we could just enjoy each day as we were blessed with it.  Towards the end, though, when the first words you uttered were “shit, I’m still here”, I kinda felt maybe you weren’t happy to see me!  Thank you for changing ... and saying “good morning, sunshine” and then “shit, I’m still here.”

For me, it was such a blessing that you didn’t put yourself through any more radiation than you did ... and no chemotherapy.  Maybe you could have have had a few more months or a couple of years but from what I’ve seen of others who have made those choices ... your quality of life would just suck.  You are such a smart man!  Mr. Independent.

The best part, though, is just how much having a sense of humor helped.  It made our last few months so darned normal.  We could laugh and not feel guilty.  Like when you asked me to (get up and) get you a Coke and I suggested that your legs were not painted on you quickly retorted “but I have bone cancer!”.  We could have a disagreement (every once in a while you WERE wrong) and I was confident that I hadn’t shortened your life (by much).

In hindsight, the greatest gift is that I am now able to call and chat with my friends who are dying.  If you hadn’t shared your experience with me, that just being normal is OK when someone is dying, I don’t think I would have the nerve to call and chat with Alice and Jan.  Now I try to have a conversation every other week or so while they lead the conversation.  If they want to vent, I’m all ears.  If they want some gossip ... I give them the scoop.  Sometimes they even want my opinion based on your journey.  I give it freely.  Usually we simply catch up on hubbies, children and especially grandchildren.  Dying IS normal.  Just seems like it’s coming too soon for so many.

Love you!

PROCRASTINATION

Oh.  My.  God.  

I have perfected the art of procrastination.  Here I sit, writing my blog, when I have just 7 days to finish my 2012 tax returns.  Sure ... this year I have an excuse.  But honestly, almost every year I put off doing this unconscionable chore.  Maybe once every 7 years they get turned in on April 15.  Even when we hired someone to do our taxes, I still could not make myself gather up all the information in time.

But I do have some information on my side that putting things off isn’t always such a bad thing!  Wikipedia says:  Procrastination is the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones.

According to Freud, the pleasure principle may be responsible for procrastination; humans prefer to avoid negative emotions and to delay stressful tasks.  The belief that humans work best under pressure provides an additional incentive to postpone.

After 50+ years in Ohio and Oregon, when the sun comes out, inside works gets tossed to the side.  Here I am where it is sunny almost every day ... and my brain still says “go out and play, do the work later, don’t waste a sunny day!”

P.S.  When I went to Mint.com to get totals for medical, property taxes, etc ... they were down for maintenance.  It's an omen to wait until tomorrow.

DISNEY MOVIES

It’s official.  I’m now an old person.  I enjoy Disney movies!  It wasn't that long ago that I sorta chuckled at my parents watching Disney movies.  They started out when their grandchildren were visiting.  When I came for my visits, when TV offered nothing interesting (and they refused cable so that was a lot of the time), Mom would suggest we rent a Disney movie.  Every time I think of how intent they were when they were watching, I smile.

Of course, they were right.  Disney movies usually don't have profanity, nudity, extreme car wrecks, infidelity, graphic dismemberment and other yucky new millennium stuff.  Which doesn't add much to any story line, in my mind.

Every evening with Braeden, we watch a movie before bedtime.  He is enthralled with each one and usually prefers to watch the same one over and over (Toy Story 3).

While they are supposedly made for children, using wonderful colors, great voices and a good moral to the story, in between all this goodness are one liners just for adults.  They are priceless.  Now I sometimes chortle!  And both of us laugh out loud (although I hope he doesn't understand all of them yet)

Fortunately (for me) I talked him into The Little Mermaid this weekend.  Since he is loving swimming and he likes the ocean (the sand more than the water) AND he loves the Nemo movie, I was hoping it would be a hit.  It is!  The only complaint I have is that I have to adjust the volume down when a “scary” part comes on.  There is always a villain, even in Disney movies.  Often the mother dies (Bambi).  Throw in a wicked stepmother (Cinderella).  All of life gets covered somewhere.  

The music is pretty good also!

P.S.  I'm trying Bugs Life tonight.

KAMA’AINA

Kama'aina (pronounced ka-ma-EYE-na) is the Hawaiian language word for long-term resident of the Hawaiian Islands. It derives from the words 'kama', meaning 'child', and 'aina', meaning 'land.'

In reality, it means DISCOUNT!  My short Google of how and when this idea of a discount on goods and services for residents didn’t say when it started.  But I’m glad it did.  I think it helps ease the high cost of island living for people who work and live here.

I finally got my Hawaiian ID so that I can take advantage of the savings.  Although we tried previously, the agency who regulated the IDs was 10 miles from home and did not take appointments.  People were in line at 8am ... and brought their lunches with them!!  Neither of us was willing to invest that amount of time!

Beginning this year, the Department of Motor Vehicles was assigned the duty which spread the burden to many locations.  I had to return to Oregon to get my ORIGINAL Social Security card in addition to all the other proof required.  I did the ID rather than a Drivers License because I’m not quite ready to forfeit my Oregon license.  I’m planning ahead here!  I don’t want to have to take the written test here in Hawaii (yes, the rules are different in each state!) and then try to take an Oregon test when I’m 90 if I return for some reason.  Color me lazy.  Again.

The discount at stores and restaurants varies.  Some establishments do not offer a discount.  Some offer between 10% and 25%.  During September and October, many fine dining restaurants offer buy one dinner get one free!

I just love saving!!

THE CONS OF LIVING ON MAUI

Hawaii IS paradise; with Maui being my favorite island of them all.  So why wouldn’t I want to live here?

•     First of all, I can never complain about the weather.  Especially I can’t complain to Oregonians.  Oregon probably gets 75 days of sunshine a year.  So mainly I don’t mention our weather unless someone asks.  And I have to be careful not to be toooooo disparaging.

•     I “have” to drive slow.  Mostly the speed limit is 20.  The highway is 45 in a few areas.  We still have a few impatient drivers but I love the relaxed pace when getting between here and there.  We maybe have a traffic snarl twice a year.

•     There is not much distinction between weekdays and weekends.  Especially for those of us who are lucky enough to not be employed.  Tourism is the largest industry here and every day simply feels like a vacation.  I’ve lived here, off and on, for almost four years.  Each sunset is spectacular and different.  Most of us still rush out a few times each week to watch.

•     One big expense that we can’t be annoyed about is suncreen.  Hats.  Sunglasses.   SPF clothing even.  No one on the mainland will feel much sympathy.  And I have to use it every day.  Sometimes twice.  

•     I never get to wear a sweater or a scarf.  No Uggs.  In fact, I can’t even bear to wear closed toe shoes!  No snuggling up in an afghan and watching old movies.  No umbrella.  No heating bill.  Although our electric rate is FIVE TIMES the rate of Oregon’s and I avoid the stove almost as much as the oven.  We had room by room a/c units installed so I can cool just the room I’m using.  I am still afraid of my electric bill.  Now in the process of getting solar panels!

•     Then there’s the caveat “island bound”.  True, Maui is pretty small.  We have just 81 named beaches (and lots that don’t have names but locals enjoy them more than the publicized ones).  We have desert areas and rain forests.  Bustling city centers and remote hike in areas.  Our Mt. Haleakala is 10,000 ft high.  It snows once a year!  While I do miss having a good old fashioned road trip, at this stage of my life I mostly stay within my zipcode anyway!  

So ... you can see all the negatives about living here.  It’s a sad life.  NOT!

The Book of Ralph

After 26 years with the company, Biamp Systems, Mr. Ralph retired in 2010 on his 76th birthday.  Yep.  He LOVED what he did so he “never had to work a day in his life” ... one of his many (many) infamous sayings.  Not only did his family and friends hear these Ralph-isms a million times, all the employees at Biamp did also!  In fact, for his retirement gift, the Marketing Department spearheaded a collection of his most repeated philosophies into a coffee table book entitled “The Book of Ralph.”  

Mr. Ralph hailed from the heart of the Midwest, Indiana.  He was an only child, as he was born in the depths of the depression when having a child warranted condolences rather than congratulations.  His mother’s obstetrician suggested he be born at home as the hospital in their small town was prone to drafts along with airborne germs.  It was a very humble beginning.  He excelled in school and in sports.  His Dad owned a brake and alignment center that also sold gasoline.  So Mr. Ralph had a job from the age of 10.  He learned that good old midwestern work ethic from a young age.

I have a copy of The Book of Ralph.  In the storage unit in Oregon.  Fortunately, Biamp had two extra copies which they presented to me when I visited Portland shortly after his death.  I was unable to meet with his friends in person while I was there, but I did manage to meet with my buddy Dayna, the Human Resources VP, and her two wonderful teen daughters for lunch ... on condition we didn’t talk too much about him.  She mailed me the books.  Now I have one here in Maui that I can peruse at my leisure and share with friends who may never have met him.  And Kate now has one at her house.

I cherish this book.  And I kinda miss him telling me he was “busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest” ....

SEVERE ALLERGIES

I think I’m allergic to exercise.  Sweating goes against my nature.  Somehow reaching 61 and dealing with the stress of grieving, my body needs something.  I also have 50 pounds to lose but we’ll get to that later.  I’m still craving my comfort carbs.

Finally, I discovered water aerobics!  In Maui, this is something I can do every day. Outside.  Chlorine OR salt water.  A few weeks ago, I timidly went to the community pool, just half a mile away (yeh, I know...no excuses really) and watched a class.  Mostly older ladies, a token few older menfolk, and unfortunately, several younger, firmer ladies.  Three days a week the class is held in deep water, three days a week in waist high water.  I like the deep water the best ... it keeps my legs busy constantly trying to keep my head above water.  Kinda like real life these days.

The best part?  I met another widow friend who has always wanted to start exercising, and starting in the water is the best thing for these old joints.  Now I have an exercise buddy to keep me committed.  Denise prefers the shallow water class ... now I have to do both!

This could be the start of something good!  Beginning in November ... still got the almost 3 year old here.