Thursday, July 28, 2016

WIDOW'S REMORSE

We have all heard about buyer's remorse:

  • Buyer's remorse (or buyer's regret) is the sense of regret after having made a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of an expensive item such as a car or house. It may stem from fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller.
I think I have widow's remorse.  

We had so many wonderful times together.  Discussing all those topics that I'm not comfortable talking about with others.  We had compatible senses of humor ... he had the perfect delivery, PERFECT!  Mine is more quick response. Manners and morals. He was the spender, I was the saver.  I was the disciplinarian, he was DAD.   

Even our bad times never lasted very long.  Well ... there were some things that we NEVER EVER settled.  He liked the bathroom window open (Oregon) and then would run the hot water for 10 minutes before getting in ... to "warm things up".  Every day I would close the window (after airing out the shower).  Every night, he would open it wide open.

Yesterday I had an island driving day with a friend, who never met Mr. Ralph.  Upcountry for a Farmer's Market (one of his favorite things ... and his favorite part of Maui ... 4,000 ft above sea level.  (We had a splendid lunch) After I dropped her off at home, I just kept thinking about him.

I wish I would have hugged him more.

I wish I would have laughed more with him.

I wish I would have kissed him more passionately more often.

I wish I would have traveled with him more.

I wish my more of my Maui friends could have met him.

I wish I would have had more time with him.

I wish.

8 comments:

  1. Widow's remorse is a great term! My biggest wish is that people I've met since Don died could have known him. He was such a big part of my life for so many years and it's hard to be me without him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ditto! We never had a problem with age difference as he fit in anywhere. He lit up a room and kept it blazing ...

      Delete
  2. I think we all have those thoughts--and not just about departed husbands. We do the best we know how to do and from what you have written about Mr. Ralph and the few photos I've seen of the two of you together, he always looked very happy. I'm sure he was filled with regrets when he knew he was leaving you. He didn't want to be the cause of your pain. He wanted more days to tell you just how much he loved you. I don't think we ever feel we did as much as we "should" have, when in reality, we did all that we could and it was good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our time together really was good. I'm pretty sure he is ecstatic that I am living in Maui! I feel him here with me all the time. We agreed that a butterfly would be a sign from him. Every single day!!!! Still watching over me.

      Delete
  3. Widow's remorse - yeah, it hits when I'm doing something I know he would just LOVE. Sharing it made it all sweeter. Grrr Now there are All these new miles on our lives that Mr. Ralph or my buddy is missing. I'd tell my guy, I could do with something a little less fleeting than a butterfly, but there I go complaining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hospice encouraged me to choose something that would remind me of him, and then to tell him. He LOVED red flowers and I love butterflies.

      Delete
  4. Having someone by your side to share the good and the bad with makes life sweeter. I bet many widows have a wish list like your. You explain it so well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He always said "it makes the good things twice as good, and the bad things half as bad". So true!

      Delete