AWKWARD WIDOW NEW FRIENDS

syc·o·phant

ˈsikəfənt,-ˌfant/

noun

1. a person who acts obsequiously toward someone important in order to gain advantage.

   synonyms:

   yes-man, bootlicker, brown-noser, toady,lickspittle, flatterer, flunky, lackey, spaniel,doormat, stooge, cringer, suck, suck-up

In just a few short months I have made a new friend here at the condos.  Mary Beth just happens to be our HOA Board Chair.  In the past we have agreed on so many topics with how the Board was working.  Not FOR the people.  But for themselves.  Interesting how such a tiny bit of power changes people for the worse.  Just like money.  When I would be outraged about stupid expenses that were not for the majority, or when the previous Prez abused the nepotism factor, and when she would spend money on things that were not budgeted for ... I would email people who would email people and that's how we first met.

Part of me feels bad about forming such a fast friendship.  We are about the same age (well, okay, I'm six months older).  She's funny, irreverent, thinking and upbeat.  The perfect combination.  She's erudite yet down to earth.  Has great self esteem but but knows exactly who she is and what she wants.

Best of all, she has invited me out for a few happy hours and convinced me to head up a committee that was out of control.  She also talked me into heading up the Newsletter which I really enjoy.

Tonight, after swim aerobics, I invited her over for "pink drinks" (her term) and a light supper.  Time flew and the Prosecco bottle emptied way too early.   I just don't want people to think I'm a sycophant!

BEING AN AWKWARD WIDOW

As you might imagine, being a widow has brought a lot of changes to my life.  The sadness of missing him will always be there although the crying and depression are easing up.  Grief is a forever journey.

I have to say I feel pretty "free" about living, knowing everything that is on the calendar was put there by me.  My sleep schedule is totally not that of the typical senior citizen (although what IS typical?).  Usually I stay up too late and sleep my 8-9 hours.  I have turned into my parents having a S-L-O-W start with coffee and news and email and Facebook.  And then my volunteer duties.

But I manage to pack in many fun things into most every day.  A leisurely walk around the complex chatting with neighbors or just waving "hi" to them.  Going to the library usually followed by a trip to a coffee shop to get a start on my book.  Swimming and enjoying the Vitamin D poolside.  Often there is an errand to run or household chores to accomplish.  Call me crazy, but I even enjoy ironing!

My sister gave me a great book for my birthday last year (or was the two years ago ....) about living stronger, longer and happier (Master Class, by VP of Road Scholar, Peter Spieres).  The 50+ crowd should evaluate our schedule to ensure we include physical, mental, social and creative activities.  Some activities include all of these angles.

Mostly, I'm happier than I have any right to be.  I hope it is because I found the best combination of hustle and bustle things and restorative things.  It's time for me to add another creative outlet (besides cooking ... which I love!).

I'm an avid Facebook member and today's quote from Humans from New York just sums it up for me.

"I underestimated the pleasures of an unstructured life.”

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH

There are 112 condo units in my complex, 8 units per building.  It is a beautiful neighborhood with mature trees just a block or two from the Willamette River as well as the lake in the other direction.  We have curving concrete pathways connecting us which are perfect for a little meandering.

We have a hired Property Management Company but the rest is up to volunteers.  The Board is five volunteers.  Several committees ... landscaping, communication, architectural, clubhouse, guest suite, pool and building captains.  

Like a little old fashioned neighborhood ... or the new and improved verbiage "village" ... we help each other out.  Our building captains are the first front for residents to ask questions.  This year the captains ask each resident to complete a form with some basic "in case of emergency" information.  This year they added another question ... who locally has a key to this unit besides you.

One condo is a vacation rental.  This winter the unit upstairs had a dishwasher leak into the downstairs rental unit.  The owner lives in southern California and no one here knew how to get into the unit in a timely fashion.  Of course it happened on a weekend which made it more difficult to contact the rental owner.  Most of us hide a key (and we all know where to find each other's) and some of us give a neighbor a key (which is what I do).

Early this summer, a son in Seattle received a phone call from his mother's employer.  She had not shown up for work on Friday (without calling, which was out of character for her and it was a relatively new job) so on Monday when she again did not come in, the employer called.  He spent the weekend calling and texting to no avail.  Finally he contact his mother-in-law who lives in nearby Vancouver, Washington to come knocking.

The police were called and the fire department broke in a window.  The owner was found dead in her bed.  Heart attack at age 59.  Shockingly horrible for all of us.  And sad and scary that she wasn't neighborly enough for us to notice she hadn't been seen for a while.

For all of us who live alone, it was a very unpleasant reminder that we should touch base every day with someone.  

Do you?

OREGON vs MAUI

Being near the little family is so much fun.  Especially when the weather is perfect for being outside and swimming.

Yesterday we went to the Zoo at 10:00 am while the animals are still active.  Kate brought along her 11 year old neighbor girl who has become a "mother's helper."  Jesse opted to stay home for a day of very quiet time ...

We spent about three hours and had a really fun time.  Complete with lunch and Dippin Dots (outrageously expensive tiny balls of ice cream) which I thought would be fun for the 3 year old yet really pleased them ALL.

After all that walking (yes, I took Alleve and Tylenol to keep the knees from being too big of an issue), we came back and enjoyed the pool for quite a while, then Braeden, Deacon and Mom took a nap while KJ and I had "races" in the pool.

Wow.  Did I sleep great last night!

I'm so much busier in Oregon, even if it were all just family stuff.  Honestly, I could see them every day for some reason (but I hold myself back to once a week or so)(and bribe them with a meal!).  When you add in my condo neighborhood (mostly retired folks), 30+ years of friendships, more retail therapy, my doctors/dentist, and the ability to take a road trip mini-vacation ... Oregon sure wins my heart.

But based on the two cool rainy days last week, I'm sure glad I will miss out on five months of that!  I could hardly make myself go out and I surely did not take a walk!  Most likely, I would hole up with the fireplace going.  With my bestest friend, my laptop.

Can't wait to see what Maui brings this year!

MISOPHONIA

Now that's a word that was totally new to me.  But it did bring this Awkward Widow some memories of Mr. Ralph and living with another.  Hopefully most people have had some irritating things about their spouse or significant other!!

These are usually small things in the scheme or life, but occasionally become a HOT topic in the midst of life.  Or a quiet moment.  When he chews his ice.  Crunch.  CRUNCH.  CRUNCH.  How can it be that loud (and remember, I didn't have hearing aids then ...)  I imagine it was the same for him when I'd have my potato chips in the evening while watching TV or a movie.  CRUNCH!

Just so you know  We had a really, really great relationship, but it wasn't always perfect.  In fact, rarely was it perfect.

In fact, I got the best compliment yesterday from our friend Beth.  We met her through another friend, we loaned her our Maui cottage, she had us over for dinner and to meet her new beau.  She recently married this wonderful man.  At lunch she said she so admired our 29 year relationship ... from what she could see.  That was her goal if she should ever marry.  And that's when she knew David was the "right" one for her.  Because he reminded her of Mr. Ralph.

But I don't think she knew about how he made a big loud harumph after he sneezed.  Every. Single. Time.

WIDOW WISE FURNITURE

Oh my gosh.  I've gone and done it now.  After just a bit of research (well, and hours online at Pinterest, Wayfair, Amazon, CB2, IKEA, Overstock, etc) I just ordered a sofa and loveseat. Semi-custom made!

About five blocks from here is a little shop called Sofas by Design.  Never judge a book by its cover!  It's something I've driven by for years.  Rarely anyone in the parking lot. Turns out it's a one woman show helping people pick just the right piece of furniture ... for THEM.

I didn't know I could get a sofa a little higher than normal.  Or one with less depth for leg comfort.  And choose the firmness of the seat cushions!   For the same price as sofas at JC Penney and Macy's.  Of course I also got to pick the arm style, the leg style and color, the seat back cushions, two pillows and the fabric.

These new pieces will be much more scaled to the condo size.  I love love love my burgundy and navy blue oriental rug but was tired of oversized manly navy blue leather furniture.  Oh gosh, I can hardly wait the 6-8 weeks for delivery.

In addition to color, texture and coziness is very important to me.  The above photo shows the swatches during daylight on the carpet.

Here are the top four contenders on the wall (everything is vanilla!) with lamplight. 

I chose the greenish tinted one on the top row, all the way on the right.  Which happens to be the top one when lined up on the wall!  I hope I like it when it's all put together.

Then I splurged and got a really comfortable sleeper chair (converts to twin XL bed) for the den.  I may get two guests at the same time.  Someday?  I was prompted by Kate and Jesse and the two babies.  Braeden and I share the King high tech bed (two twin XL mattresses on a deluxe bed so it can sit one of us up and vibrate the other).  Kate and baby take the Queen bed in the guest room.  Poor Dad ... he got the aerobed in the living room.  SOOOO ... if we should ever need to all live here again ... everybody's happy.

In the meantime ... come visit!

POO POURRI

As a follow up to yesterday's blog .....

A friend posted an ad for Poo Pourri on Facebook last year. As a joke.  It was a YouTube commercial by a beautiful young woman discussing the smell associated with pooping.  It was so incredible I had to find out if it was a real product.  It is!''

Because we all know there is no "aroma" involved with a bowel movement.  (Except for infants ... especially breast fed).  Perhaps more like ...

If your marriage was similar to mine, this was an issue we had.  Sometimes even air freshener didn't quite do it.  I'd change fragrances and brands every week because soon the hint of the cover up smell was as annoying as the actual smell.

The concept of Poo Pourri is that you spray the toilet bowl BEFORE you make a deposit.  It puts a slightly oily coat of enticing aroma (mine is an herbal blend of bergamot, lemongrass and grapefruit) on top of the water in the bowl.  Simply go about your business, then flush.  It really works!

It really made co-habitating a lot easier.  I even have a little spritzer I carry in my purse.  Isn't it nice to know you are not the ONLY person with this problem?

OK.  Tomorrow I'll move on to a different topic