GOLD, SILVER or BLACK AS COAL

Many of my widow blog friends are facing the same challenge ... how to make new friends (and keep the old).  I've blogged about it many times.  No longer do we have jobs or kids or hubbies to help us find new folks.  We are on our own.

There are many hits and misses.  At my age, I probably rush friendships.  Sometimes after a few meet ups for coffee or wine or beach, I realize I don't have too much in common or sometimes I learn a fact (from them) that I can't abide.  One lady shoplifts.  One lady does all the talking and no listening.  One lady is too religious and is in conversion mode.  One gal is promiscuous.  One acquaintance I met at a coffee shop doesn't even drink coffee (or tea!)  One never has quite the right amount money to pay her share ... and never repays.  So I just find that I am "busy" if they contact me.

But the absolute worst is when someone talks smack behind my back.  To my friends that I have introduced them to!  Reminds me of Junior High.  I realize not everyone likes me.  That's fine!  Not every match is one made in heaven.  No worries.  But unless someone ASKS about a particular trait in me, no need to badmouth me.

If something I have said or done or failed to do bothers you, talk to ME.  Not everyone else.  I try not to speak ill of others.  Usually I will say you should form your own opinion!  Invest a little time and maybe you will form your own friendship.

To me, friendship includes loyalty and truth.  Telling me the truth even when it is hard on me.  Not just saying what I want to hear.  Being there when times are tough ... as well as when things are great ... that is friendship.  A call to check in even when you are busy with your own life.  

Burn me once, shame on you.  Burn me twice?  Shame on me.

THE WILD WILD WIND

Summers are dry in Maui.  The fire threat is high.  Add the high winds we've been having and our island is covered in smoke!  And flames.  Helicopters are scooping buckets of ocean to drop to contain the blaze.  Yesterday we had a 400 acre fire on another part of the island ... that is not so well traveled.

Since our island is so small (48 miles by 26 miles), we don't have many connecting highways or byways.  The perimeter is 120 miles.  Some of our main cities have only one way in.  Today there was a small fire along one highway (and I use this term lightly ... high speed of 45, mostly 30).  Add the wind and this fire quickly got out of control.  People who live in Kihei (my town) and work in Lahaina and beyond cannot drive either direction.  

It is "possible" to drive around that west mountain to go from Lahaina down to Kihei.  But it is filled with one lane curves and steep cliffs and takes a few HOURS to travel.

I haven't been to the beach for days ... except to drive south to look at turtles.  My body would have been sand blasted.  Tomorrow is Sunday Fun Day where any lady friends show up at the same beach, if they are available and interested!  

While we have the map above ... see how close Wailea is to Hwy 37/31 (very close to Oprah's estate).  But I have to drive up towards the airport, then take 37 over to get to the town of Kula.  Oprah offered to help pay for a connecting road but the County refused.  She bought up land privately and built her own road.  That she keeps closed except for friends!

P.S.   Road Closure in Māʻalaea:

6:25 p.m Saturday night.: The Red Cross has opened up shelters at the War Memorial Gym in Wailuku and the Lahaina Civic Center beginning at 6 p.m. Police say traffic around Kahakuloa will be open to a single, alternating lane. The Honoapiʻilani Highway between Kūihelani Highway and Māʻalaea Road remains completely shut down due to the fire above the highway. Additionally, North Kīhei Road access and Wailuku-bound traffic from mile-post 14, Lahaina side, has been closed off. Police advise motorists to avoid the area. Māʻalaea residents are being evacuated as well.

SENSUAL ESSENTIAL OILS

Yes.  I have finally jumped on the bandwagon of doTerra essential oils.  For years I have gone to presentations but never purchased a thing.  So much to learn and I wasn't "feeling" the benefits.

A few months ago, I attended another learning event and thought I would buy the book to learn more about uses for all the different types.  Wouldn't you know, I won the door prize ... a small purse size container filled with eight tiny bottles of different oils, rather like a first aid kit.  My daughter's birthday was coming up and I know she has been intrigued as well.

With advice from lady friends who have been using these oils for a few years, I chose 5-6 for Kate, they gave me a free book, and I let her have the small kit (busy baby boys!).  The sales structure is kinda like Amway or Mary Kay (pyramid) and I don't want to be involved like that.  But I was able to open an account where I can buy oils at a bit less than retail and have them shipped direct.  No hosting a party or whatever.  Someone gets points for me buying but I'm not sure who.

Then I bit the bullet and bought a diffuser.  Oh wow does that actually work.  I made the mistake of using lavender the first time ... and I was so relaxed and mellow nothing got done!  Perfect to use in the bedroom when you have trouble sleeping.  (Kate has bathed her boys in lavender bubble bath with a few drops of lavender oil every night since birth)(followed by lavender lotion).

Now I use lemon oil in my water, or slim and sassy (which has cinnamon to help curb my appetite).  Peppermint or Patchouli in the diffuser to give me energy.  And I bought an app for quick, handy reference.

I know it's probably a passing fancy but for now, I'm a believer.  When I feel like the pollution is affecting me or I'm catching a cold, I use OnGuard in the diffuser and within hours I feel better.  When one of my local doTerra ladies heard I was catching a cold ... she popped over with tiny vials of additional cold fighters/immune boosters and lozenges in case it got worse.

There are lots of ways to add a drop of this or that to a drink or a dessert or a casserole ... or for natural cleaning, but I haven't tried any of that.  Rather expensive so I'm very careful with each and every drop.

Blogged with patchouli diffusing in the background

ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY

My house guest departed yesterday. 

She was a pleasant and helpful and had lots of friends to go visit, so really I was just a "B" instead of a "B&B".  Lucky she has friends who live on the right side of the tracks!  The Fairmont Hotel with a cabana!  I would drop her off at 10am and she would take an Uber home.

It was super easy as I head to my room around 9pm and read and watch Netflix.  Wake up time is 8am and she would already have the coffee brewing!

We had the best of intentions on eating healthy yet ended up eating out every day!  Every meal out provided one (or two) meal at home.  Mostly we had coffee and a banana for breakfast.

Despite it being a very low maintenance visit, it was still nice to let my ears rest for the next 24 hours.

Tonight and tomorrow I have something interesting to do ... can't say what as it involved my sister's CUSTOM birthday gift!  

Missed you guys!

SLEEP, SNORING and SOUR PUSSES

Mr. Ralph was a world champion snorer.  If I got to sleep before he did, it wouldn't bother me until about 5:00 am.  When he fell asleep before me, I would move to the guest room.  Whomever awoke first, found the other.  Not a perfect marriage arrangement, but it worked okay until I finally found my friend, Ambien.

When Kate was a teenager and had friends overnight, our living/TV room was right over our bedroom.  There were so many times she had to explain to her frightened friends that is was NOT a monster, but her Dad snoring.  She'd even bring them downstairs outside our bedroom door to prove it.

He was pretty excited when I started snoring ... until he would have to be the one to move.  Finally, we both took Ambien and lived happily ever after.

In my opinion, snoring is not something the snorer has any control over.  Mr. Ralph tried BreatheRight, CPAPs, BiPAPs, exercises, etc.  I could get him to move into another position and get relief to fall back asleep....sometimes.

Being on two HOAs, Oregon and Maui, almost daily I see complaints or suggestions for the most ridiculous of situations.  But recently on another blog, (New York CIty!) the blogger asked his HOA to "do something about the snoring" in the unit behind him.  Like give him or her a noise citation?  Over something that is not controllable?  I just had to laugh out loud.

No snoring allowed

If the unit was playing loud music past 10pm or hosting a noisy party, or something they could actually DO something about, that's a different story.  Living with joint walls is a compromise at best.

I think I shall blog soon about owners and HOAs!  Being on one is a duty every owner should volunteer for because it is a time consuming, can never please anyone pretty thankless job.  Living in a community requires commitment from each member ... volunteer for a committee or a one time project at the very least.  Don't just sit back and complain all the time without contributing.

I'm thankful I have great neighbors at my condo.  Upstairs owners are very large people yet we never hear anything, except maybe the shower running once in awhile.  I'm happy we bought a downstairs unit as now I rent it to my kids ... with two boys under five who do not know how to walk quietly (for more than two minutes).  

Yes.  An HOA blog of funny or unbelievable requests/complaints.  Surely I will find even more examples via Google!

PARTY TIME!

Last week I went to a double birthday celebration ... my friend turns 60 and her Mom turns 90!  

I first met them through my friend's husband (I use this term lightly as I don't know if they are legally married, but together for 15+ years).  He built our outdoor shower, back deck, added a door to garage, changed a window in our bedroom to a sliding glass door, and so on.  At the time, his wife was still employed in California.  Talk about a long distance relationship!!

He really hit it off with Mr. Ralph and he invited us over for drinks and pupus (appetizers).  When we visited we were stunned at the beauty of their property.  Large tiki hut bar and as the years went on, he added marble countertop to the back counter, dishwasher, etc.  I could comfortably live in the bar!

This is the infamous tiki lounge

He designed and coordinated a walk in saline pool and hot tub.  He added a two bedroom ohana (cottage) that they rented for years.  When she retired and moved here permanently, and brought her Mom and hubby, they jumped the last hurdle to become a licensed bed and breakfast.  The main house has been converted into two apartments with the older couple on one floor, the younger on another.

This is the rental unit

After Mr. Ralph died, it was hard for me to be in large groups of people that I don't know.  Even though we knew the owners, as hosts they have to flit among every one.  I thought I would give it a try this time, as another step of the widowhood journey.  There must have been at least 100 people ... many of them had flown in from California and other spots on the mainland.  It was a fiesta themed party with margarita machine, bright colored table settings and catered by a Mexican menu food truck.

I mixed and mingled but was the ONLY solo person in the place.  Everyone was nice and welcoming although the conversation usually went back to them with me listening.  

Personal goal of staying three hours and then I snuck out.  I bet that celebration went until 2am!  I think next time I will ask if I can bring a pal.  Then the two of us could meet people and have ourselves to talk to in between.

Mr. Ralph celebrating his 79th birthday at Auntie Kali's Cottage

We were friendly enough to be invited over for small gatherings and parties and great food .... Mr. Ralph loved it there with the gracious and down to earth hosts!

P.S.  When you come to visit Maui and need a special place to stay, check out Auntie Kali's Cottage on Facebook or Homeaway. 

I THINK I"M GOING BLIND

Besides having really bad eyesight, aging is sure not helping!  Apparently I have the start of cataracts.  But the biggest issue is staring at the computer for hours every day.

I do two monthly newsletters, about 4-6 pages each.  And of course, draft after draft.  Most non-computer users have no idea how time consuming it is to "can you just make that photo a little larger" or "this just in, can you make it fit".  Nothing is impossible but not so much the night before the email blast!

When I make a photo larger, it pushes all the print around accordingly.  Often 2-3 sentences get sent to a new page ... which we then have to fill up.  Or remove another article then rearrange all the stories and their photos.  I typed so much on Monday my hands ached!

Our HOA in Maui is rewriting all of our governing documents ... Articles of Incorporation, CC&Rs, ByLaws and Administrative Rules and Design Committee guidelines.  All by committee.  And legal firm.  It's sure necessary ... but we must be on the 5th draft of each of these.  And then there are all the email conversations in between.

My excuse for not writing for over a week!  

P.S.  I now know I cannot do anything to my yard or exterior without asking for permission!  Not to plant a flower or add a pot!  Remove a shrub or plant a tree.  Breathing outdoors is still allowed!