Unbelievable? Yes. I am just too sad to go to His favorite place without him this time. It's embarrassing to be this emotionally unstable but once I made the decision, I slept nine hours in a row! Unlike the past few months of waking at 4:00 am and not being able to go back to sleep...and worrying about anything and everything.
He's been my constant companion and I have to say I hate traveling without him (or someone). I'm grateful to have quite a few friends and bloggers who no longer fly because I think that's where I am right now. Panic at the thought. My travels to other countries may be via The Travel Channel from now on.
Of course, I make myself feel bad about not visiting my buddies in Maui and especially my friend/tenant. She has spent HOURS cleaning and organizing and even having the carpet cleaned. They have all been so kind and understanding....especially my Widow's group, of course. Several of them remember Year Five being a rough patch. Go figure! I keep thinking things (and memories) will be more gentle given more time.
This loving little nest is hard to leave. I'm thankful for little boy hugs (and parent hugs also). Singles out there know the lack of physical contact is real. I'm glad I have my "girl" Legos to interact with them. Mostly I'm the book kind of Grandma. Even little guy will bring some books, his blankie and his Lambie over for a snuggle reading session.
That's my story. Emotions are powerful. I'm glad I listened.
The five year mark really makes it real, doesn't it. And you've got the added issue of a dream vacation home to add to the mix. Any thoughts about selling it and maybe just renting a suite when want to visit? Either way, maybe next time you can plan to go at a time that's not around an anniversary, birthday or sadiversary would make it easier.
ReplyDeleteIf you track like me, the sixth year is less emotional. Your daughter and grand-kids are very lucky to have to helping out and you are lucky to have them in your life.
So many factors in this emotional session ... but I am going to sell the house in 2019 when her lease is up. It's VERY stressful dealing with things long distance. It is my retirement plan!
ReplyDeleteWe were planning February as it is the best weather and the best whale watching.
All three of us adults say how well this intergenerational thing is working out for us. And I know it is good for the boys to have another adult helping.
Thank you for understanding!
That sounds like a good plan with good timing.
ReplyDeleteThis surprised me because you've made the trip before and enjoyed living there. I wonder why 5 years has a change in feelings? I'm glad you made this decision because, obviously, it has been bothering you and when you got the "God Whisper", you listened and now you feel much better. Besides, those little ones would miss Grammy so much and they'd cry when you left and you don't want to put them through that, do you? LOL
ReplyDeleteXX OO Jude
This surprised me as well! Irrational!?? It's such a combination of things that drug me down this low ... but like you say ONWARD and UPWARD! I'm working my way back out, slowly but surely!! Thank you
DeleteI'm so glad that you have those little boys and lots of hugs. I remember when you were toying with the idea of selling a few years ago. Maybe that decision has finally made itself. It's always best to do what you are comfortable with. Warm thoughts coming your way. Bella
ReplyDeleteYes, definitely selling. My buddy has lease til March 2019. The meds are kicking in and I can see the light at the end of that nasty tunnel.
DeleteWarm thoughts are very healing!