Who knew? I sure did not understand how deep it could go. That it lasts forever. That there is no "other side".
May 2 marks the third year since Mr. Ralph died. Of course I miss him every minute. Usually it's great memories and occasionally, so sad. He would sure be loving this life he gave me. I don't have a green thumb and I'm sure he's tsk tsking about me not fertilizing more and hand watering his babies that need more than the sprinkler system provides. Soon I'll have to have the watering system come on twice a day ... summers are hot and bright.
Inside and out, I think I am adjusting to my new normal just fine. I continue to make friendly acquaintances and have a small tight knit circle of friends. Most of them understand I love my alone time. Me and my computer, with the TV going in the background. I'm okay with eating out by myself (except dinner for some reason) and I'm getting better at doing the inviting.
I've accepted my life as a merry widow and am not quite so awkward any more. Often I can talk about him without crying. I'm still very happy with my decision to not remarry. Even though I hear the third time's the charm! I had a pretty happy ten years the first time and almost 30 the second time. I do miss the hugs.
It's a whole new chapter of ME.