Based on my experience, when we lose a spouse we feel the need to have ALL the control over everything! Because in reality we are not in control of even our basic emotions.
I'm moving forward and am making great progress (in my opinion, of course) towards living in the present and planning for the future. Still, I do get unsolicited advice from even the dearest of friends. Most of the time I can gently smile, nod my head and forget about it. There are times when I really want to say "why on earth do you feel the need to say these things?"!!!! It doesn't help matters or sway me to change something ... and it's just a bit mean spirited! Most of all, it is just YOUR opinion.
That's when I mentally put the above photo clip up in my mind. Lots of people think living with my kidult and her family is not a good thing for me. Actually, I feel it is a GREAT thing ... for all of us, especially for me. We all pitch in with chores although they do the bulk of things. I love being with the babies, especially when I can have some one on one time. Family meals are so much more pleasant than eating alone ... and I am eating better! (Since joining Weight Watchers, I am down 10 pounds ... simply fill 3/4 my plate with salad and vegetables, then have a scoop of whatever they are having).
I'm never lonely yet when I want to be totally alone, I can go to our air conditioned club house or to a coffee shop or the library. They do most of the cooking and dishes, but if I ask ahead of time, they are happy to let me! I get to pack Braeden's lunch for camp which brings back memories of packing Kate's. In fact, she asked if she could pack his and then Jesse wanted to do one day as well.
I definitely get more exercise having Mr. Camo Man to hike with. Can't really run after Deacon but we read books, blow bubbles or play with water on the patio. LOTS of swimming.
I feel like I am in CONTROL of my life. Maybe this wouldn't work for my dear friends but I am glad it works for us. They have a great deal on rent and I have a room for visiting often. No one is "using" the other.
Thanks for the advice. Don't be upset that I don't heed it!
If you and your family are happy with the arrangement, no one else has a right to an opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think you are quite lucky to be with your grand boys. It is good for them and it is especially good for YOU. I think it keeps you young! A blog friend of mine, Marcia with Ms. Graysea, moved in with her kid last summer and loves being with her grandson and when SHE HAD HER KNEE REPLACEMENT SURGERY--she was so glad to be with them. As you will be too.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has an opinion, right? Especially for single women, I think. People seem to feel comfortable doing offering advice to women "on their own." Families almost always lived like you're living until recent generations. It was not unusual for Grandma to live with the kids or vice versa. I think it's great for the kids and you. Win/win!
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