I suppose it comes with my age. I have quite a few family and friends who have recently died and still a few with hospice or 24/7 Medicaid care.
Having new people around to help care for you is hard work for the sick and/or elderly. Especially as a lot of the low level stuff is done by people who don't speak English very well. Which would make me get a Nanny Cam for sure. How do we know they are getting the right medicine at the right time ... can these folks read English? So much to be concerned about, especially money.
Though it seems easier for me to talk with these folks, after having Mr. Ralph go through a rather short term time of pain and suffering, it is still something I need to bolster myself up to go visit. One friend is no longer eating and hasn't been awake for visitors for over a week. Last week I visited. Non responsive. I patted her shoulder, rubbed her arms, massaged her head. She would smile but not open her eyes or speak. I consider myself a chatterbox but it's hard work to have a one way talk. Exhausting. I'm glad I made time during the past 6 months to visit and chat and even take her to Dr appointments and lunch while she was still able to enjoy.
My sister-in-law is a Hospice nurse and has been for almost 40 years. What angels these people are! Mr. Ralph's hospice nurse still keeps in touch via Facebook. They are ALL about the client. And they taught me as well. Get the person's attention. If I talked with Mr. Ralph and he was reading email, chances are he would not even hear me. Set a positive mood for interaction. For me, getting him to take medication was not easy. I'd phrase it "where would you like to go for a drive after you take your meds this morning?"
State your message clearly. Ask simple, answerable questions, while holding hands or looking into his eyes.
Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart. When the going gets tough, distract and redirect. I was pretty much a pro here! Most importantly, keep your sense of humor. It goes a long, long way.
These are all good suggestions. It's so hard to watch and be a part of someone in the dying process. I'm sorry you are losing your friend.
ReplyDeleteShe has been in dire medical condition since early March. We met in Oregon in 1981, played Bunco for many years, he daughter babysat my kidlet and now her daughter does my hair. Money is a BIG issue.
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