I am not a mean girl. Everyone who knows me would agree. If I ever have hurt someone's feelings, it has never been on purpose. EVER.
Nor am I a bully. I grew up at the bottom of the school cliques. Nerdish in fact. I was bullied but nothing very major. Enough to know I would never do that to anyone. EVER.
This past month a neighbor/friend in Oregon has been at the brunt of a bullying episode with her 14 year old daughter. In a chi chi zip code. And I think THAT is what makes it worse. Highly educated, wealthy. I feel so bad for her and her parents yet PROUD that they are standing up to this. I am doing everything I can do to help.
Young lady was SOOO excited to land a spot on the high school dance team. A team bonding party would help all the new members get to know each other. Coach said pizza, movies, conversation and fun! Instead it was humiliation ... boys (not on the dance team) threw water balloons at the newbies at full force. Later they were forced to slather maple syrup on themselves and wrestle in feathers. Made to walk in the Willamette River, barefoot, in the dark of night. Tossed into cars and trucks with no seat belts. There is more but you get the picture.
When this little lady confided in her parents, of course they called the coach. Who scoffed at this little "initiation." They went to the school. No one did a thing EXCEPT taunt the whistle blower. Even the coach ... via text message. These brave parents went to the police and finally, to the press.
Only then did people pay attention. At a recent school meeting the other parents screamed at the family saying nothing happened, just let these girls dance. The family had to file restraining orders for their daughter ... against some of the teams' parents!
My daughter went to this high school. It was bad back then. IF you had money or influence, your child could smoke pot in the hallway at school (ZERO TOLERANCE FOR DRUGS), and get a week's detention after school. A neighbor being raised by grandparents was suspended for two weeks for smoking pot NEAR the school. Ridiculous.
Bullying seems to be running rampant in our country. It is appalling. Yesterday I was accused of being an "old mean girl" on another blog. NOT. I'm this close to republishing my blog. It is all true and I only wrote after this person QUIT a key volunteer position and hyped it up on their own ... blaming it on everyone else and then emailed it to the entire "confidential" mailing list.
I just don't feel that vindictive. Or mean. Or bullying. But if I change my mind, this time I will put in actual names. Just sayin.
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Policies about intolerance for drugs at the school could have gotten stricter since your daughter was in school just because the administers have learned that a slap on the hand didn't work. In other words it might not have a thing to do with the girl living with her grandmother but rather a progression of tactics aimed at helping/educating kids that don't become drug addicted adults. In my childless opinion---for what it's worth---I think a parent (or grandparent) does more harm than good to fight a two week detention because it just validates in the child's mind the notion that rules don't mean anything or shouldn't apply to them. That's a bad mindset to have regarding drugs and many other things in life.
ReplyDeleteConsequences back then were immediate expulsion. For most people. If there are rules and everyone knows the expectations, consequences should be the same for the same offense. In my humble opinion.
DeleteI couldn't agree more.
DeleteWouldn't you think that people would know better by the time they're our age? Of course, bullying can happen anywhere, but there's something about certain environments that foments this behavior in those who already have a proclivity for it: clubs, groups, schools, prisons, etc. Congress comes to mind. LOL
ReplyDeleteI feel for your friend's daughter. Bullying can affect how you feel about yourself for a long time. So many people think it's harmless... especially if their kid is doing the bullying instead of being on the receiving end.
We were poor, and I was bullied. I still remember the girl's name and face. From a wealthy family, she looked like an angel - so beautiful.
My experiences with bullying were the same .. beautiful golden wealthy angels ....
DeleteYet meaner than junkyard rats ...
DeleteOkay, we need more details. I think I'm not understanding something here. I thought Awkward Widow was talking about the school administrator being the bully to the girl for smoking pot, not other kids bullying her. Are these two different things or all wrapped up together? Are the kids bullying the girl about being into drugs or is she smoking pot because she's being bullied about something else?
ReplyDeleteI edited my blog. Two separate stories showing that consequences may not be the same, for the same offense. In the Dance Team incident at the beginning of the school year, there have not been any consequences. The Assistant Coach quit soon after she learned of what happened ... and that the Coach was intimidating the victim. SAD.
DeleteSchool sports can bring out the worst in some coaches, don't they. Thanks for explaining.
DeleteI don't understand any of this kind of society. When I was in high school, if you got pregnant, you were expelled FOREVER and if you wanted a diploma, you had to take Adult School classes. When my kids were in high school, if you smoked ANYWHERE on school property, you were expelled. Even if a coach saw you smoking in a nearby town, you were off the team. Initiations like this need to stop! I know Oregon is a very Liberal state, but.....hey!!! I don't understand any of this bullying stuff either. I was a Golden Girl and I was nice to everyone in school! As were my kids and my grand kids. One of my best friends was the poorest girl in school--I mean poor like living in a house where you could look through the wall boards and see the outdoors. No one bullied her--no one! And to think that some grown up elderly women still play the bulling game? Thank you--I will just remain out of clubs, and cliches, and all other things where nasty, mean spirited women like to congregate! Cause, I ain't a Golden Girl anymore, LOL
ReplyDeleteAh ha ha! No more Golden Girls!!!
DeleteThis young girl is such a beautiful, kind down to earth person. Very intelligent. I hope she can get through this ... she's still attending that school ...