Joan Price is an author and blogger advocate for talking out loud about Senior sex. I think I read her column on Senior Planet and then subscribed to her monthly email. Sex at our age is not gross and disgusting! Although I suppose young people in their 20's might disagree. They think THEY invented this.
Like everything else in our lives, things change and morph. Nice when you have a love in your life. Still nice when you are a widow or widower. Not that I could speak in public on this topic. Behind the keyboard, it's a bit easier. Later life pleasures. So many things we widows can do to fulfill our need for touch. Hugs. Massage. Even a pedicure! Soaking in a warm tub. Especially if you are like me and only shower. Seems hedonistic to focus on myself. Which is EXACTLY what that word means!
he·don·is·tic
ˌhēdnˈistik,ˌhedəˈnistik/
adjective
engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.
"a hedonistic existence of drink, drugs, and parties"
I'm pretty sure that I will not remarry. At this point, I'm pretty sure I don't even want to date! Maybe it's just a selfish stage of widowhood. Probably it's because I'm too lazy to "date". For now I'm happy with my daughter and her little family. I get lots of hugs and touching and exercise with the little ones. That is already changing as Braeden now wants to be at his home on the weekends. His neighbor buddies are in school and there's not much play time except on weekends. Somehow, I was expecting this to happen more around age 9-10! Not at age FOUR! Dear Widow Friends: How do you compensate for not having a manly hug at your beck and call?
I don't really think of sex and hugs in the same realm of human contact so you've kind of thrown my a curve ball here. But to answer your question about compensating for manly hugs (as involving the arms, not other body parts) I just hug back when hugged and initiate more hugs than I used to do before becoming a widow. I also have my dog and dog owners know how they can comfort you when you need it.l
I agree sex and hugs are totally separate! Perhaps I'm filling in my lack of sex with more human physical contact. I seem to miss that the most. Mr. Ralph was big on hugs and holding hands. I miss that the most.
I'll answer the question you almost asked. How do you compensate for not having sexual intimacy? Well, I hug more (women and furry felines), get biweekly massages, and occasionally have safe sex with the person typing this. As for looking for more sexual intimacy with men - after having had fun with a few, my interest played itself out. What I do pine for is emotional intimacy, and the hugging that naturally comes with that.
At 75, I tend to think sex is gross--ain't no man ever going to see this body naked. I can barely stand to see it in the mirror when I step out of the shower. I don't miss it one tiny bit, but....I sure do miss the strong, comforting hug from a man--nice strong arms, some body bulk---that sort of thing. I have no clue how to get that without some man thinking there could be more. I lay in bed at night and stroke the soft fur of my big cat and that is soothing, but.................it sure isn't the same.
Yet we keep looking for more friendships ... and there really isn't one that you can be SURE of ... to never spill the beans if you ask them to not be spilled. Confidence that any mean spirited comments will be kept within our four walls.
I don't really think of sex and hugs in the same realm of human contact so you've kind of thrown my a curve ball here. But to answer your question about compensating for manly hugs (as involving the arms, not other body parts) I just hug back when hugged and initiate more hugs than I used to do before becoming a widow. I also have my dog and dog owners know how they can comfort you when you need it.l
ReplyDeleteI agree sex and hugs are totally separate! Perhaps I'm filling in my lack of sex with more human physical contact. I seem to miss that the most. Mr. Ralph was big on hugs and holding hands. I miss that the most.
DeleteI'll answer the question you almost asked. How do you compensate for not having sexual intimacy? Well, I hug more (women and furry felines), get biweekly massages, and occasionally have safe sex with the person typing this. As for looking for more sexual intimacy with men - after having had fun with a few, my interest played itself out. What I do pine for is emotional intimacy, and the hugging that naturally comes with that.
ReplyDeleteSafe sex is just perfect. Whenever!
DeleteAt 75, I tend to think sex is gross--ain't no man ever going to see this body naked. I can barely stand to see it in the mirror when I step out of the shower. I don't miss it one tiny bit, but....I sure do miss the strong, comforting hug from a man--nice strong arms, some body bulk---that sort of thing. I have no clue how to get that without some man thinking there could be more. I lay in bed at night and stroke the soft fur of my big cat and that is soothing, but.................it sure isn't the same.
ReplyDeleteProbably no man for me either. Maybe when I give up Maui, I'll get a dog!
DeleteI agree with GowiththeFlo----it's emotional intimacy that I miss that I miss the most!
ReplyDeleteYet we keep looking for more friendships ... and there really isn't one that you can be SURE of ... to never spill the beans if you ask them to not be spilled. Confidence that any mean spirited comments will be kept within our four walls.
Delete